Wednesday 6/26/24 Blah

 Originally I wasn't going to write today. I don't have much of anything to say. But I'm feeling pretty low today and I don't know why. I slept okay, had breakfast, worked out, showered . . . and then, this *vaguely gestures at self*. I don't know. I don't know what my deal is today. I know I've been trending down again, but it hasn't been bad - just noticeable. Today though . . . I just want to hide away. Or stare off into space. Or doom-scroll. I really don't feel great. Really, I want to go back to bed and wait for the day to pass. But alas, I cannot. I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon and I feel like I should try and be productive. I tried to read. Made myself an iced matcha latte, sat out on the deck with a book. But I couldn't read. I couldn't focus. So now I'm in my studio writing this, hoping that if I get it off my chest I'll feel better. 

I'd love to paint. I'd love to be creative. But the thought of trying to do that is overwhelming right now. Everything is a little overwhelming right now. I worked yesterday, I work the next 2 days, and I don't want to. I notice my down feelings more at work. So, knowing how I'm feeling right now, I don't want to feel like this tomorrow. It will be noticeable to people because I'll pretty much shut down. Ugh. 

I just wish I knew the cause of this. If there was something that triggered me to feel like crap. If there was, I have no idea what it was. Oh well, what can ya do? Guess I'll scroll pinterest and make lunch, go to my appointment. Ciao. 

Thursday 6/6/24 Been awhile again

 Yeah, it's been a while since I last wrote. Three weeks or so. There's just nothing that exciting going on. Going to work, reading, doing laundry . . . nothing exciting. I've hit a dry spell creatively and haven't done any art in 2 or more weeks. I'm going to try today to do something. Anything to get my creative juices flowing. We'll see what I come up with. 

My colonoscopy was largely normal - doc removed two very small polyps which were benign. Hooray. I don't think I need another one for 5 years. Which is good because the prep was AWFUL. It tastes like salt water with a hint of artificial lemon flavor. So gross. 

In other news, I feel my mood slipping a little bit. Trending towards the melancholy. I notice myself feeling a little down at times and more easily angered (which is usually a sign that I'm slipping). It's not bad, and it's not all the time, but it's there. And that's annoying. And possibly a reason for my artistic dry spell. 

I don't really have anything else right now. So toodle loo!