Wednesday 7/1/26 Some Health Stuff

 Hola y'all, how's it going? Been a couple of months again so here's a life update . . .

I went to my doctor's office a few weeks ago as I have been experiencing ridiculous fatigue. Like, it's bad. I can't make it through the day without a nap and/or obscene amounts of caffeine. In addition I've been getting headaches daily, along with swollen lymph nodes, a sore throat, a feeling like I'm *maybe* getting sick but I never do, and night sweats. My doc initially was thinking lymphoma except I don't have unexplained weight loss (dang it!). We talked at length about my symptoms and he wanted me to start Allegra and Pepcid daily, thinking maybe the swollen lymph nodes and sore throat were allergies, and to do some lab work. So I did that. The lymph node swelling and sore throat have dies down considerably, even though I stopped taking the meds a week and a half ago (I took them for about a week). My blood work showed a normal CBC, which is good. However, my iron levels are elevated and UIBC level is low, which points to hemochromotosis (which could explain the fatigue). So doc wanted me to have genetic testing done to see if I have the mutation that causes hemochromotosis. Cool. Did that. And I don't have the gene mutation. Which means my body is holding on to iron for some unknown reason, which can be bad. If my body starts depositing the excess iron onto my organs, say my liver, spleen, and heart, bad things can happen. Like heart disease, diabetes, overt organ failure . . . It's not ideal. So what do I get to do? Wait. Yep, wait, and have my iron levels drawn again in 2-3 months. I'm less than pleased with this option. I figured I'd get a referral to hematology for more testing. But no, we wait instead. Ugh.

So I'm trying a different approach. See, I'm in perimenopause. Have been for probably a couple of years. Hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, irritability, NO libido, vaginal dryness (probably TMI - suck it up). And then my fatigue is getting progressively worse. Then I remembered a coworker talking about her horrible fatigue and how starting hormone therapy helped immensly. Maybe perimenopause is what's really causing my fatigue and the high iron is just a fluke. So I made an appointment with my coworker's OB/GYN (whom I also happen to work with at the birth center I work at). Sadly, though, that appointment isn't until September 1st. That was the first available spot with her. Which sucks royally. But hey, I'll take it. 

In the meantime, I have switched to an iron free multivitamin and am going to avoid dietary iron as much as I can (which basically means less red meat - even though I rarely eat it anyway). And I guess I just plug along and power through, taking naps when I can and drinking obscene amounts of caffeine. Which I kinda hate doing but the days I work (12 hour shifts) I literally hurt I'm so tired. I don't know what else to do. 

Maybe my iron levels will level out in 2-3 months on an iron free vitamin. And maybe I'll start hormone replacement therapy. And maybe I'll start to feel better. I'm hoping this is the case because how I've been feeling really sucks. Fatigue and headaches daily. It's not fun. 

And as this has been going on I've been working more than usual (I've worked every single one of my call shifts and have picked up extra on top of that). It's been stupid busy and there's no end in sight. Even over this holiday weekend we're going to be busy (and I work Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and on call Monday). This just makes my fatigue worse. I spend my days off trying to recuperate. And I've had terrible art block as well. Usually my art is a welcome release for me, something I immensly enjoy. But no. I don't feel creative, just oh so tired. I hate this. 

Oh well. Hopefully in a couple of months I'll have more answers and will be feeling better. Fingers crossed.

Thoughts Saturday 5/2/26

 My 12 weeks off from work for my hip surgery are almost up. One more week. I go back to work May 10th (Mother's Day, bummer). And one thing I've realized is that I REALLY don't want to go back. I've ben enjoying my time off. Immensly. I've been able to paint so much. I haven't been stressed. I've felt more at peace. If it were possible I'd quit and just do art. But, alas, that is not possible. My art barely sells. We need my nursing income. It sucks. But, it is what it is. 

I've decided that I'm going to step down from being charge. That is where the main sourse of my work stress is. I don't want it anymore. I plan on seeing how work is going after stepping down before I make a decision to find another job. Part of me wants something different. Part of me wants to stay. I like my coworkers, I like my actual job well enough, I like the demographic of patients I serve . . . but I don't like the hospital system. They pile more and more on nurses without extra pay or help. So much relies on us. I feel like it's at a breaking point. I mean, my hospital can't even reliably have phlebotomy on staff - nurses have to do all of their own blood draws. This is a HOSPITAL for pete's sake. We should have phlebotomy. Patient loads are havier, patients are sicker (yes, even new moms), and we're always short staffed. Almost every day of my leave I've seen posts in our floor facebook page begging for help. Almost every. Single. Day. Something has to change. 

That's why I'm thinking about leaving. But will it be better anywhere else? Will I like what I'm doing somewhere else? I'm limited as to where I can go because I can't work nights (most hospital jobs you have to start of nights). I could do out patient surgery - a few of my coworkers have left to do that and seem to really like it. Only problem is that it would be a $15 an hour pay cut (if not more). So I don't know. Part of me is hoping that after I step down from charge and I don't have to worry about staffing and all the BS that goes along with it I'll like my job more and will be happier. Time will tell. 

In other news, I've been substantially more down the past 3-4 weeks. I don't know if it's perimenopause related or if it's depression rearing its ugly head. But it's most certainly annoying. Right now I'm just dealing with it. If it gets worse then I'll be hitting up the ketamine clinic because I'm not playing that game. I'm not going to get worse. 

That's about it for now. Toodle loo. 

Thursday 3/5/26 I had SURGERY

 Hello random readers, it's been a while again. But I figured an update was due since I had surgery and am recovering. 

I can't remember if in my last post I mentioned that I tore my labrum in my right hip (and I'm too lazy to go and look at said post right now). So yeah. Six-ish months ago I managed to tear my labrum, probably by being to aggressive with yoga (possibly - who knows for sure). So I saw my doc, was given prescription NSAIDs, and told I had bursitis most likely. A month of taking NSAIDs goes by and my pain only increased. So I went back to my doc and asked for PT and an MRI. PT hurt, didn't help, possibly made things worse. MRI showed a torn labrum and CAM deformation (basically a spur of bone that most likely tore tha labrum). So I made an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon who a coworker of mine recommended. Waited a month for that appointment (everything in this process has taken FOREVER it feels like). He recommended surgery. Scheduled that (another month out). In pretty horrible pain this whole time. But, you know, whatever.

But then, THEN I had surgery (finally) on February 9th to repair my torn labrum and resolve (ie shave down the bone) my CAM deformation. Surgery lasted about an hour and a half and I was in recovery for about two hours, and then went home. Recovery has been going smoothly. The most annoying thing is being on crutches for 4 weeks. Like, it's seriously annoying. But I'm getting by (I'm in my last week of crutches - come this Sunday I will be crutch free!). I've had very little pain. Like, none really. Showering is a pain and I have to have help from my hubby and use a shower chair (I'm not supposed to have my full weight on my right leg, hence the crutches). I've been prepping breakfasts and lunches for myself with the help of my hubby as trying to carry things while on crutches is . . . challenging. I'm using an old purse hung around my neck as a kind of kangaroo pouch to carry things. It works fairly well. My hubby has been doing practically everything as I, well, can't. There's no way I can carry laundry down 2 flights of stairs on crutches to do laundry, so he's been taking care of everything. cooking, cleaning, you name it, he's doing it. He's the most amazing man ever and I'm so thankful to have him. 

I had my 2 week check up 1.5 weeks ago and was told everything was going well and that I was moving better than most people at that point (go me!). I'm back in PT, have had 3 sessions thus far (I'll be going twice a week for the next 8 weeks). I have another check up in 2 weeks, and then my last check up is May 7th (after that I should be able to return to work). I'm off work a total of 12 weeks (which is crazy). 

I'm quite bored though. I have a very large book I've been reading on mindset change and getting physically fit (I need to lose weight and want to build muscle and strength). So I've been reading this massive book and going through the workbook. It's taken me a while. But yesterday I finished it. So now I'm like, what the hell do I do now? I can't start working out until next week and then I can only do upper body stuff and light walking. I'm going to draw and paint, obviously, but like, what else? I still have eight weeks of time to kill. No work. No obligations. I can only read so much. I'm not big into watching tv except at night with hubby. Ugh. 

Anyway, that's where I'm at. Just about 4 weeks post-op, doing well, and bored.  

Wednesday 1/14/26 Another Sporadic Post

 Well, Happy New Year! It's been about 2.5 months since my last post, quite a while. See, when things are going alright I don't post much - I don't really have anything interesting to talk about (depression makes me want to write, doing well makes me not want to write). And I've been doing well, for a long while now. Which is awesome. But makes me boring, I guess.

I do have some news though: I tore the labrum in my right hip and will be having surgery on February 9th to repair it. I'll be on crutches for 4 weeks (bummer) and out of work for 12 weeks (yay?). Weeks 5-12 will probably be okay, and may be a nice break from the chaos that is work. But the first 4 weeks . . . uh, probably not so fun. I can't do much while being on crutches. I won't be able to put full weight on my right leg during this time and have a bending restriction which will make doing even normal tasks difficult (like putting on socks and showering, or making my lunch). So this will be fun. Hubby is taking the day of surgery off and working from home that first week to be able to help me, but after that . . . well, I won't have a ton of help at home. My son will be back in classes (he's getting his CNA certification, among other classes, so will be gone much of the day as well). So this shall prove . . . interesting. I'm not going to shower every day and will do so in the evenings when hubby is home rahter than in the mornings when I'm by myself - too much of a hassel (even with a shower chair). I'll be relegated to the upstairs for a while, which sucks as my studio is downstairs (our house is a split level - so when you enter the front door you can either go up or down). So maybe no art from me for a few weeks after surgery. I'll probably read a lot (I just bought 4 new books so I've got reading material). I have a feeling I'm going to be bored. Not working for 12 weeks is crazy to me (I only took 6 weeks off after I had my son). So yeah. I'll have to enlist friends coming over to entertain me until I'm off crutches and can drive. Ugh. But, I've been in pain for many months and haven't been sleeping well because of said pain, so something needs to be done (physical therapy and NSAIDS do nothing). 

In other news, work is busy. Still. It's always busy now. It's dumb. Really dumb. I feel bad about being gone for 12 weeks - especially since we have 3 other nurses who will be out the same time on maternity leave. So that sucks for my manager. But I guess that's why she gets paid the big bucks, to sort this shit out (she is bringing in 3 travel nurses for 12 weeks, so that'll help). 

Hmm . . . what else? Honestly, nothing really. Just plugging along with life. Toodle loo!

Tuesday 10/28/25 I'm making an appearance

 I really rarely write anymore, have you noticed? Probably not - I have like one or two people who look at my blog I think. But yeah, it's been since July, right? And it's the end of October. Holy cow. Time really flies.

Things are pretty status quo. My cousin Johnny got married the begining of October. We (hubby, son, and I) flew out to California for the wedding. We stayed only a long weekend, Friday through Monday. It was quite lovely though. Johnny got married at my other cousin's gourd farm (my cousin Jaime owns Welburn Farms - the largest gourd farm in the US). We stayed at the house on Jaime's ranch with my uncle, his wife, and my aunt. It was great to see family. We rented a car while out there and we paid for an upgraded car, because why not? We got a Maseratti. Yep. A Maseratti. We thought we were pretty hot stuff at first. But then we had to google how to turn on the headlights because we couldn't figure it out. WTF. And my cousin Jaime's ranch is in a canyon near Temecula. In this canyon you lose cell service. For the entire canyon area. When we were leaving to head back to San Diego on Sunday EVERY warning light came on in the car. Here we were, in this remote canyon wothout cell service, and the car going haywire. It was very concerning. We didn't stop until we reached Temecula (what if we stopped and the car wouldn't start again? We'd have MILES of walking to reach cell service). Stopped at a McDonalds and turned the car off. Started it again and it thankfully started back up. But with the check engine light on. Like, seriously. This car is a year old. WTF. So we drove the hour and a half back to San Diego and returned it, complained, and they refunded us a day's worth of fees. It was a little stressful. I don't recommend getting a Maseratti. 

Work. Ahhhh, work. It sucks. We've been so fucking busy. Every shift that I'm charge we're stupid busy and short staffed. Every. Single. Time. I'm so over it. And the one thing I really like about my job - nursery, where I attend deliveries - is being taken from us. Namely, those of us on mom/baby who do nursery. It is going to be transeferred to the labor nurses (who don't want to do it). Which royally sucks. It's going to take time - like a year or so - as we have to train the labor nurses how to take care of babies, but this really sucks. So that, coupled with how busy we are, makes me question if I want to stay working there. I'm pretty burnt out at the moment. I've been doing my job for 17 years. I'm fucking good at it. But I'm not sure I want to do it anymore. Which is terrifying. New is scary. And I'm limited with what I can do. Moving elsewhere in the hospital means going to night shift, which I physically and mentally can't do. I could do an out patinet surgery center. Several of our nurses have left to do this and relaly like it. However, that would be a massive pay cut (think $20 or more an hour). We can't really afford that. A coworker suggested doing preop/postop in my hospital, which I guess I could do. I don't want to be in the OR though - surgeons are dick wads. So I have no idea. Everything is up in the air right now. I don't want to lose nursery, I don't want to do charge, and I feel stuck. I don't know what to do. I'll figure it out eventually. Hopefully.

Weight loss. A little over a year ago I was on semaglutide. I lost around 35 pounds but was sick and lightheaded all the time. So I stopped it and gained all the weight back, rather rapidly. Well, I'm back on semaglutide, a low dose. I've lost 13 pounds. The weight loss is much slower than the first time, around .5-1 pound a week. Sustainable weight loss. Which is what I want. So I'm less likely to gain it back when I go off of it. With a smaller dose I'm much less nauseous, much less lightheaded. So, hopefully I'll continue to slowly lose weight and then be able to keep it off (because I don't want to be on it long term - it's expensive!).

My son is in college, doing well, and trying to put in place the steps needed for him to trnasfer to a school in Osaka, Japan in a couple of years. We'll see how that goes. I think he very much has rose colored glasses on right now. But he really wants to do it, so, more power to him. We'll help him with what we can. No transitioning yet, I think he may be having second thoughts. Which is fine by us, whatever makes him happy. He hasn't really wanted to talk about it. 

So anyway, that's about it. Pretty boring stuff, I know. I'm a boring person. And I'm okay with that.   

Monday 7/28/25 Two months, damn

 It's been over 2 months, actually. Kind of crazy. And just goes to show that I have nothing to really write about. In the past, the more depressed I was, the more I was struggling, the more I would write. And now . . . well, now I'm doing so well. Writing about regular life seems so mundane, so boring. Because it kind of is. Like, we went to Japan again - and that was AWESOME - but there's not much else going on. I'm trying to work out consistently, eat healthier, do yoga (which I truly do love), and keep stress levels down.

My son, who you may or may not remember came out as trans, is not yet transitioning. Some days he dresses a little more femininely, some days more masculine, but he's the same kid regardless. He's working pretty much full time, saving money for - get this - school in Japan. He's going to go to Pikes Peak State College for a year or two and then he hopes to transfer to a university in Osaka, Japan. This came as a shock to hubs and I, but I mean, if he really wants it then more power to him. Might as well do it while you're young and without a ton of obligations. 

Other than that everything is status quo. Work is work. I was actually supposed to work today but was put on stand by (and have yet to be called off or called in). So I'm just chilling. Worked out, read a bit, going to maybe draw some . . . boring stuff. But, boring is good. Because it means I'm doing good. No news is good news, right?

Tuesday 5/13/25 Been a bit again

 It's been 2 months since I last wrote. Surprisingly, not much has happened in the last 2 months. 

My son got a job, and sometimes he wears makeup to work. It's getting less weird to see him in makeup. We're still using male pronouns for now though I think this will change in the near future. I think that when we get back from vacation he's going to see a doctor and start hormone therapy. And I think when we start seeing changes in him that it will be a little more difficult to deal with. Because right now everything is status quo except for the occasional makeup wearing. It's easy to forget that he's transgender. But with hormone therapy that will change. And I see myself struggling with this a little more (as well as my hubby). But, time will tell.

We leave next week for Japan, the day after son graduates. That's another weird thing - he's graduating high school. It's crazy. He's a literal adult now. And I'm proud of him. He's such a good kid. We'll have his graduation party when we get back from Japan (I'm hoping people actually come - most of family lives out of town). 

So yeah. Big trip, second time to Japan. It'll be so nice to get away and not worry about work or normal day to day things. We have a lot planned, including a trip to Mount Fuji (which we didn't get to see last time). Go karts in the streets of Osaka, the World Fair, a sumo dinner experience . . . it'll be fun. And probably exhausting. But that's okay. 

I don't really have much else to report on right now. Maybe, when we get back, I can figure out how to post photos on here since as of right now that function isn't working. We'll see.