My 12 weeks off from work for my hip surgery are almost up. One more week. I go back to work May 10th (Mother's Day, bummer). And one thing I've realized is that I REALLY don't want to go back. I've ben enjoying my time off. Immensly. I've been able to paint so much. I haven't been stressed. I've felt more at peace. If it were possible I'd quit and just do art. But, alas, that is not possible. My art barely sells. We need my nursing income. It sucks. But, it is what it is.
I've decided that I'm going to step down from being charge. That is where the main sourse of my work stress is. I don't want it anymore. I plan on seeing how work is going after stepping down before I make a decision to find another job. Part of me wants something different. Part of me wants to stay. I like my coworkers, I like my actual job well enough, I like the demographic of patients I serve . . . but I don't like the hospital system. They pile more and more on nurses without extra pay or help. So much relies on us. I feel like it's at a breaking point. I mean, my hospital can't even reliably have phlebotomy on staff - nurses have to do all of their own blood draws. This is a HOSPITAL for pete's sake. We should have phlebotomy. Patient loads are havier, patients are sicker (yes, even new moms), and we're always short staffed. Almost every day of my leave I've seen posts in our floor facebook page begging for help. Almost every. Single. Day. Something has to change.
That's why I'm thinking about leaving. But will it be better anywhere else? Will I like what I'm doing somewhere else? I'm limited as to where I can go because I can't work nights (most hospital jobs you have to start of nights). I could do out patient surgery - a few of my coworkers have left to do that and seem to really like it. Only problem is that it would be a $15 an hour pay cut (if not more). So I don't know. Part of me is hoping that after I step down from charge and I don't have to worry about staffing and all the BS that goes along with it I'll like my job more and will be happier. Time will tell.
In other news, I've been substantially more down the past 3-4 weeks. I don't know if it's perimenopause related or if it's depression rearing its ugly head. But it's most certainly annoying. Right now I'm just dealing with it. If it gets worse then I'll be hitting up the ketamine clinic because I'm not playing that game. I'm not going to get worse.
That's about it for now. Toodle loo.
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