I tried this morning. I really did. I got up early, had breakfast and coffee, got ready . . . I even put on makeup and real clothes (as opposed to just gym attire). I went downstairs to my happy place (my studio) to draw and paint. I was even able to get 2 sketches done before lunch and ink one of them after lunch. I did a load of laundry and put it away.
I tried.
So why then am I feeling so crappy? Why am I still so empty and depressed, feeling close to tears almost constantly? Why?
The obvious answer, of course, is that I'm bipolar and I'm in a depressive episode. There's no doubt about that.
I guess I was just hoping some positive self care would tip me over into the feeling good category.
But I guess I'm not so lucky.
In other news, I work tomorrow and I'm worried about it. I was supposed to work yesterday and I was called off - for which I'm thankful of. I've been feeling even worse at work. Having a hard time coping and wanting to cut. I've been withdrawing at work and I think people are starting to notice. All I want to do is hide. Sleep. Cut. Three things I can't do at work.
I'll be fine though. I'm tough.
I don't see my therapist for 2 weeks. Two weeks! That seems so long. So far away. I'll make it though, and have some artwork to show him.
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