Tuesday 1/16/24 No More School!

 School is done!! I ended up with a 95% in the class because I kind of bombed the final (got a 72% on that - every question had 2 right answers and I had to pick which one was most right, ugh). But hey - a 95% is damn good for struggling as much as I did, doubting myself as much as I did, and it being my first class in over 17 years. Go me! It's so nice to be done. Like, really nice. 

Anyway, I had therapy today and we're going to start working on my self esteem. Cause I kinda don't like myself all that much. I mean, I do, at times, but I'm really insecure, especially with how I look. Let's be honest - I could stand to lose some weight. Not just for looks - for health. On that thread, I'm starting working out again. And it's made me realize just how out of shape I am. I mean, wow. So I've got that to work on. And Becky gave me homework for our next session - to paint how I feel about myself. I have some ideas floating around . . . we'll see what I come up with. 

So yeah, that's about it. Another short post. That's okay. Maybe next week I'll have more to say. 

Wednesday 1/10/24 Almost Done

 Well, I'm almost done with my first (and only) class. I have my final to take, which I plan on taking on Friday this week. And then, my friends, I am done. And let me tell you, I am soooooo looking forward to not doing school work every day I have off (and sometimes on days when I'm at work). I'm so burned out after just one class it's ridiculous. School anymore just isn't for me and now I know that. It kinda sucks, because I'm doing well (I have a 97% in the class) but I just can't do it. I've been completely miserable. But with an end in sight I feel free, I feel hopeful, I feel better. I'm glad I tried and found out. And I'm glad I found out early instead of 3-4 classes in and spending all that money (the master's program is NOT cheap). Am I a little bummed? Yeah, of course I am. But I think this is for the better. I wouldn't be able to handle 3 years of intense, back-to-back classes with no break whatsoever. I'm doing the right thing and I'm okay with it. And I'm lucky in that so far everyone is supporting me in my decision. No one is giving me a hard time except for myself. Which is good. Because I was worried about letting people down or people thinking less of me. An unfounded worry, I suppose.

There isn't much of anything else going on. I've been so focused on school that I have nothing new to report. I started reading a new book the other night - one just for fun (not my dumb textbook). It's nice to be able to just read for fun. I've missed it. 

That's all for now. Short and sweet, unlike me. ;)

Saturday 12/30/23 Decision Time

 Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. And, of course, with the new year comes new year's resolutions and whatnot. And, with the new year coming, I've made a major decision: I'm not going to do school anymore. That's right. I'm dropping out. I will finish my course that I'm currently in, but after that . . . I'm done. I don't see myself as being a nurse practitioner, I don't see myself surviving 3 years of school. I don't even see myself making it through one more class. Originally I thought I would try one more. Just to see how it goes. But I can't. It's too overwhelming. I'm so stressed already from my first class. I'm in survival mode. I can't do another 8 weeks of this. Hell, I still have 2 weeks to go in my current class and I'm wondering how I'm going to make it. 

So, no. I'm quitting. And I'm at peace with my decision. I feel as though a weight has been lifted. I'm still worried about disappointing people, but it will be okay. I told Jeremy last night, around 11pm, because I couldn't sleep. I didn't fall asleep until after 2am, and then I only slept fitfully. Which is how most nights have been since starting school. He said he wasn't disappointed in me and told me that he thought I was doing better than I give myself credit for. But he doesn't know what goes on inside my head. Or how anxious and tired I am. Or how overwhelmed I am. I'm just done.

So. No more school. I feel guilty about spending the money on it. On a new desk, laptop, monitor, keyboard and mouse, printer/scanner, tuition . . . But hey. At least now I know, I guess. It was an expensive learning experience. Oy vey.

As for new year's resolutions, I just want to be healthy and happy. Mentally and physically healthy and happy. That's it.