Tuesday 1/16/24 No More School!

 School is done!! I ended up with a 95% in the class because I kind of bombed the final (got a 72% on that - every question had 2 right answers and I had to pick which one was most right, ugh). But hey - a 95% is damn good for struggling as much as I did, doubting myself as much as I did, and it being my first class in over 17 years. Go me! It's so nice to be done. Like, really nice. 

Anyway, I had therapy today and we're going to start working on my self esteem. Cause I kinda don't like myself all that much. I mean, I do, at times, but I'm really insecure, especially with how I look. Let's be honest - I could stand to lose some weight. Not just for looks - for health. On that thread, I'm starting working out again. And it's made me realize just how out of shape I am. I mean, wow. So I've got that to work on. And Becky gave me homework for our next session - to paint how I feel about myself. I have some ideas floating around . . . we'll see what I come up with. 

So yeah, that's about it. Another short post. That's okay. Maybe next week I'll have more to say. 

Tuesday 12/12/23 It Continues

It continues . . . schoolwork that is. I got 100% on my COPD pamphlet, so that's cool. I honestly figured that I wasn't going to get a good grade on it as I didn't feel it was that creative and creativity was a big portion of the grade. So I was surprised to see that yesterday. Go me. Taking my midterm on Friday so I can maybe have a little time to study (I've been doing this week's discussions today, along with a mandatory work class I had to do), but I work the next 2 days, so . . . when exactly am I going to study? I have no idea. 

In other news, I had therapy yesterday. It was a good session. At least my therapist said it was :) No, it was. My mood has been slipping though. I've been feeling more down this past week, more stressed, more close to tears, and more overwhelmed. I'm also questioning if school is what I really want to be doing. You know - do I really want to be a nurse practitioner and be the one responsible for diagnosing and treating patients? Is that what I truly want or is it only what I think I want? I have no idea, honestly. But I have these doubts in my head and it's making me anxious. Everyone seems to think that I would make a good psychiatric nurse practitioner except for me. But is this because it's not what I really want to do, or is it imposter syndrome? Am I just doubting my abilities so much that I don't want to do this? I have no idea and it's frustrating. I don't know what to do. Hopefully with time I'll figure it out. I had sure better figure it out. 

On that note, I registered for my next class. Advanced physical assessment. Don't know what to expect with that one, just like I didn't know what to expect with this one. And that, of course, makes me anxious. I'm showing that I can do it so far. Lowest grade a 95%? I'm killing it so far (we'll see how my midterm goes on Friday). It's just, I feel like ALL of my free time is school. Because it is. I really don't have time for anything else. I'd love to do some drawing or painting but I simply don't have time. I feel guilty taking the 10 minutes it's taken me to write this. I just don't know if this is the right direction for me. I already feel burnt out. I get no breaks. No breaks for holidays, no breaks between classes. No breaks at all. It's just go, go, go. All the time. There's always school work to be done. 

Time will tell I guess. I just hope it tells me soon.