Tuesday 1/14/25 Oh my . . .

 Been almost a month again since my last post. My posts are so sporadic now which, I guess, is a good thing. It means I'm doing well. When I'm depressed my posts are weekly or more frequently than that. So we're going to call sporadic posts a good thing. 

The past month has been pretty, uh, routine. There's not much of anything going on. I finally did some artwork (a doodle in my sketchbook and a painting) and have a few sketches I need to paint. Though I don't feel like painting today. I actually don't feel like doing much of anything today. I had physical therapy this morning and now I'm just meh. Unmotivated. My therapist did some dry needling in my right SI joint and now I'm all achy and sore (dry needling is where they take acupuncture needles and insert them deep into the muscle and then sometimes apply a light current through them). I was going to do yoga when I got home but I'm just not feeling it today. I worked out yesterday, will workout on Thursday and Saturday, so I guess it's okay to take today off. 

I don't think I've mentioned why I'm in physical therapy. My right lower back (truly my right SI joint) has been hurting for months. I saw my doc, we did x-rays, and she recommended PT. It took over a month for me to get in to PT, which is kind of dumb. While waiting for PT, the pain was constantly achy with sharp stabs. It hurt mostly when I was sitting, so I couldn't sit for long periods. Standing, walking, laying down . . . mostly okay. Now it's mainly achy, though I do get sharp stabs with certain movements. It's a lot better than what it was though. There was no injury, no reason I could see as to why I'm hurting. My therapist thinks it's repetitive motions from work and that my muscles finally said screw you. At least I'm able to sit comfortably now without it hurting too much. I'm trying to strengthen my core and I'm doing my exercises at home, but so far I haven't noticed much of a difference. And PT is expensive (my copay is $77 each visit), so I was hoping to not have to have many sessions. So far I've had 4 and have another one this Thursday. Oy. 

Everything else is status quo. I need to figure out what I'm going to do with my day, besides laundry. Never ending laundry. 

Wednesday 12/14/22 December

 Well, we're almost half way through December already, which is pretty crazy. Time sure is flying by. Before we know it it will be 2023 (which will hopefully be a better year).

I went to the doctor this morning as I've been having lower back pain. Only on the right, though. About where my kidney is and a little below that. I pretty much knew what he was going to say, but I still went. Annoying though is that my appointment was at 9:20 - fairly early morning - but he was already running 40 minutes behind. Ugh. My doc is always behind. He likes to take his time with patients - which is great - but it puts him far behind. Sometimes over an hour. Which is frustrating. So. What he said. 1. I need to wear better shoes, not my beloved Pumas, which are flat. 2. Arch support insoles in my shoes. 3. Lose weight (dude, I'm trying). And 4. Physical therapy. I'm not looking forward to physical therapy. Mainly because my insurance doesn't cover that much and it ends up being around $75 a visit. It gets expensive real quick. I'm hoping for like 2-3 visits where they can teach me the exercises and stretches and I can just do them at home. 

I ordered the insoles he recommended, which weren't, thankfully, expensive. And as for the weight loss . . . I'm trying. I really am. But I need to kick my efforts up a notch. I can't seem to get under 210. It's frustrating. I want to at least be down to 170, preferably 160. But I can't seem to get my weight to budge. For months now. If it changes it's because it's going up. I know I need to be more consistent with exercising, I know I could be eating better. It's just so freaking hard when I have no motivation. You'd think going to Japan would be enough motivation but I'm struggling. And it doesn't help that I've had several "bad mood" days this past week which makes doing anything that much more difficult. I haven't accomplished anything this week so far. No painting, no real cleaning, no working out, not even opening a book to read. I spent most of Monday in bed. I was supposed to work, was called off, and just stayed in bed. Worked yesterday. Today I feel like doing nothing except taking a nap. I have no energy. I know I'd feel better if I accomplished something . . . I just don't know if I will. Damn my self-sabotaging self. 

I really have nothing left to say this week. Hopefully I'll get my ass in gear.  

Tuesday 11/5/19

I'm sitting on the couch wanting to blog but not knowing what the hell to blog about. I'm currently frustrated. Frustrated beyond belief - I'm almost shaking. My anxiety is through the roof and I can't seem to get it under control.

So. Yeah. A few weeks ago hubby and I bought a 2004 Toyota Sequoia. It had all this work done to it, was owned by a Toyota master mechanic, and was supposed to be a good vehicle. Well, It's been in the shop the past 1.5 weeks having work done on the brakes (can't seem to get them working properly). We found out today that the frame had been damaged (bent and welded - poorly - back together). This essentially makes the vehicle unsafe to drive.

What. The actual. Fuck.

Now we're stuck with this gigantic fucking SUV that we paid $8,000 for and we can't do anything with it. I mean technically we could sell it but hubby and I don't feel okay with doing that knowing what we know about the frame.

Just . . . seriously.

In other news, I went to the doctor last week to have my left hip looked at. It's been causing me a lot of pain and has been getting progressively worse. My doc thinks that I have arthritis and that my tendons are too tight. She ordered X-rays, prescribed maloxicam and physical therapy. She said if after a month of physical therapy and meds my hip wasn't notably better we'd need to do a CT scan to check the soft tissue. I got the X-ray results back today: normal. No arthritis. Which is good, but means they don't really know what's causing my pain. Which is not good. So we're staying the course with meds and physical therapy and I follow up next month.

It's just frustrating. I thought the X-ray would give a definitive answer, we'd have a course of treatment and BOOM! It would be better. But instead we're blindly stabbing in the dark for something that might help. Don't get me wrong - I'm sure physical therapy will be helpful - I'm just frustrated.

So that's my post. An obnoxious rant about what's frustrating me at the moment. I was hoping by getting it out I'd feel a little bit better. I don't. I'm still shaking and I feel like crying. Maybe I should. Maybe that would help.

Cheers.