Monday 5/13/24 Been a minute

 It's been a little bit since I last wrote. I'm at the end of having 8 days off in a row (it would have been 6 days but I had to call in sick one day, so 8). It's been nice. Really nice. Except for today I'm doing a bowel prep for a colonoscopy tomorrow morning. So much fun. So much. This is my first colonoscopy, just a routine one, because I'm the magical age of 45 and my doc wants me to have one. I have to drink the second half of my prep at 11pm tonight so I will literally be up all night pooping. Oy vey. Oh well, it'll be over soon. 

There really isn't anything much going on. I got a new truck - a 2017 Toyota Tacoma TRD Off Road. I love it. Her name is Betty. We traded in my 2009 Tacoma (Walter). It was time for an upgrade and Betty is fancy with all the bells and whistles. Walter was really starting to show his age (I think hubby thought he was ugly). And Betty only has 39,000 miles (Walter had 176,000). So that's fun!

We've been getting more into talking about our next trip to Japan, which is tentatively scheduled for next May/June. Going the same time of year as our first trip so it doesn't mess up school for Ayden (though I would prefer to go in October to see the fall colors). Only thing, we plan on staying in Osaka most of the time and in 2025 it's the World's Fair so it will probably be busier and more expensive. Don't know how that's going to work. We're debating on using a travel agent again to plan. I think that we should, just to be on the safe side with booking hotels, etc. (I'd have more peace of mind), but it does cost more money. I'd rather spend the extra though and not have any loose ends. We'll see. We're trying to figure out everything we want to do and see. We only spent 2 days in Osaka last time, hence spending more time there this time. There is a village north east of Tokyo (I think) that has tons of foxes and I would absolutely LOVE to visit it and see them. But it's quite a bit out of the way so I don't know if it will be feasible. We'll have to do more research. And we'll spend a day in Nara again to play with the deer (because I love them). Other than that everything is up in the air right now. 

On the weight loss front I'm still losing about 2 pounds a week. Which I keep telling myself is healthy, sustainable weight loss (I really wanted more dramatic results though). I just need to keep it up. I'll get there. I'm starting to see results in my tummy area, which is nice to actually see the change on me - not just the scale.

Anyway, that's it I guess.

Tuesday 4/23/24 Work Shit

 So. Remember last time I posted I talked about being charge nurse two days in a row? And how I was nervous and was hoping for good days? Well, they were decent days. Not crazy busy, had enough staff, nothing too weird going on. Which was good. I even had a nurse tell me I was a good charge nurse, which made me feel good. I'm charge again this Friday, so we'll see how it goes. We're going to be staffed pretty fluffy as my hospital is under investigation by the state right now. See, there were several deaths on our medical/surgical floor in a short period of time (we call these "sentinel events"). And people weren't happy about that. So we were under investigation and it was found we were lacking the proper equipment to monitor patients (which nurses had been pointing out and complaining about for years). Not to mention that we're perpetually short staffed. So, to appease the state, the hospital purchased the appropriate equipment and increased our workload without increasing staff. Excuse me, what?? Nurses have been over worked and understaffed for YEARS and you want to increase our workload with more stupid menial tasks that don't improve patient safety? Without extra staff? Sounds like a great plan. Good job.

Spoiler alert: It wasn't a good plan.

State came back to see how the hospital was doing in preventing these sentinel events and discovered that we were understaffed (gasp!). So now we're in jeopardy of being shut down unless the hospital remedies this problem. So now we're staffed super fluffy. I was off for 4 days and I came back to this: more staff than we need, not sending people home when we can, calling in our on call person even though we don't need them because now the hospital wants to staff appropriately. And here's the dumb thing: I work in a highly specialized area - the birth center. Nurses who work med/surg, ICU, oncology, dialysis, etc want NOTHING to do with the birth center. NO ONE wants ANYTHING to do with the birth center (or NICU). But, if the hospital doesn't think we have enough staff, they're sending us nurses from these other units to "help". It's not helpful. They can get vital signs on the moms, and, well, that's about it. They don't know how to take care of babies. They don't know how to labor and deliver a patient. They don't know. The other night we had an ICU nurse sitting at our front desk and opening the door for visitors (we're a locked unit). Seriously??? This is a good use of resources??

Managers are now expected to take 36 hours of call every 2 weeks (in addition to working their 40 hour work week), to help on the floor if it's needed. Our labor and delivery manager was sent to the ED on Sunday to "help" (about all she could do was fetch water for patients). This is just stupid and is NOT the answer. If you let us hire and train staff to work our unit, and then let us schedule them to actually work on the unit instead of limiting us severely like you have been doing, that would be helpful. 

I understand that running a hospital is a business. There's a bottom line. But these issues could have been prevented years ago with appropriate staffing. Nurses all over the country complain about unsafe staffing ratios. We've been complaining for years and years. But it takes people dying before anything is done about it. Which is truly sad. The people running the hospitals don't work on the floor. They don't know how it is. They don't get it. They're more concerned about lining their pockets than the welfare of the patients. This is not how it should be. The hospital touts that patient safety is a priority but they don't actually make it a priority until they're under investigation and under threat of being shut down.

Wow. I'll get off my soap box now. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.   

Thursday 4/11/24 Biopsy

 Been a minute since I last posted. And nothing much is going on. I'm pretty damn boring. 

I had my biopsy done this past Tuesday and, well, it was pretty violent. No, seriously, it was. I was numbed up really well so I didn't feel anything but pressure. I had my head turned to the left as the biopsy was on the right side. Which means I could see the ultrasound. And I could see the needle being jammed in and out of my lymph node over and over again, just . . . repeatedly. Then the doc would take the needle out, pass it to a lab tech, and go back at it with a new needle. He did this for 4 needles. It looked so barbaric!! Thank GOD I was so numb!! My neck is so sore now. Luckily, I didn't bruise. My preliminary report came back with "normal morphology not consistent with lymphoma". So I'm guessing that's a good thing. I just have an enlarged lymph node for no good reason. I'm special like that. 

On the weight loss front, last night was my fourth injection, three weeks of tracking my weight loss, and I've lost 7 pounds. Just over 2 pounds a week. Not too shabby. I'm hoping this rate keeps up. I've had to find a happy medium between eating and feeling queasy. And also not feeling light headed. I don't really have an appetite and if I eat too much, or too frequently, I get queasy. But if I don't eat enough I feel weak and light headed. I haven't had much energy for exercise and, truth be told, I've felt pretty exhausted. The exhaustion may be a coincidence as I haven't been sleeping great for a few nights here and there, or maybe it's the decreased caloric intake. I'm not sure. Or a combo of the both, which seems pretty likely. 

I'm on my own as a charge nurse and I have no confidence in my abilities. Zero. I feel like an imposter. I'm sure as I do it more my confidence will build, but as of right now, I'm a fraud. I'm charge 2 days next week, like, literally throw me to the wolves. Hopefully I'll be fine. Hopefully they won't be shit days. I'm hoping I have time to build my confidence before I have a shit day. But you never can tell in nursing. 

Anyway, that's all really. Told you I was boring. 

Monday 3/25/24 Cold Again

 It's cold again here in Colorado. We had a big snow about a week, week and a half ago, then it got warm and it all melted. Well, now it's cold again. That's spring in Colorado though. I'm so ready for warmth and sunshine. I neeeeeeeed it!

Sooooo, what's been going on. Not a whole lot. I've had 2 days of charge nurse training (I have one more to go) and then I'm on my own. Work has been busy, annoyingly so. But that's job security I guess. I've worked every Sunday this month and I work Easter as well. Which is lame. Oh well. 

I had my physical a couple of weeks ago and two things happened: 1. my doc found a lump in my throat which she thought was a thyroid nodule. Had an ultrasound done and no, it's an enlarged lymph node. Which is apparently way too big, so I get to have it biposied. Fun times. And, 2. I started a weight loss medication. It's a once a week injectable (not Ozempic). I did my first injection last Wednesday. Thursday and Friday I was pretty nauseous, which is a common side effect of the medication. Which, of course, makes one not want to eat. After the nausea passed, however, I still don't want to eat. No appetite. And if I eat too much I get nauseous. And that, my friends, is how the medication works. You eat a whole lot less and don't really feel hungry. I decided to try the medication because I'm failing on my own at losing weight. I'm eating pretty healthy, a lot of whole foods, and working out and I'm either staying the same or actually gaining a pound or two. It's been frustrating. I'd like to lose anywhere from 40-60 pounds. I'm going to be weighing myself on Tuesdays and Fridays. Hopefully this helps. 

On a side note, in therapy we're working on my self-esteem/self-image and developing a healthy body image. My therapist isn't so sure that going on a weight loss drug is good for my self image. Because, what if it doesn't work? I'll blame myself, my self esteem will drop, I'll feel worse about myself, beat myself up, etc. I get where's she's coming from, I do. But, realistically, I need to lose weight. For my health, for my peace of mind, for my future mobility, for lots of reasons. So I'm taking the medication. And we'll go from there. I don't see her again for five and a half weeks or so and I'm hoping to have lost at least 10 pounds by then. That's 2 pounds a week - not so far fetched in my opinion. That's healthy weight loss. I'm going to keep eating healthy and working out, doing my part in the weight loss journey. Because I'm going to need to do that to keep off the weight after I stop the medication (I have 5 months of refills). 

So yeah. Hopefully I'll get used to the nausea (I've heard you do). I have ginger lozenges and tea to help me through it. And hopefully I'll lose weight. Fingers crossed. That's about all. Toodles! 

Friday 3/8/24 Charge Nurse

 Hi all! Two posts in one week, weird!

Just stopping by to say that I am officially the new relief charge nurse on my unit! Yep, I got the position (so the interview must have gone well!). I'll start my training in a week or two. 

Also, Ayden is 17 today! Happy birthday bud! He's at school (bummer) and heading to a friend's house after to spend the night with several friends. We're supplying pizza. 

That's it! Toodle loo!

Monday 3/4/24

 Been a minute again since I last wrote. I haven't been doing all that much. At least anything exciting. I've been reading and enjoying the mild weather here, working, and doing yoga. I have my interview for the charge nurse position this Wednesday. I'm a little nervous, but this afternoon I'm going to "practice" answering questions to prepare myself. I'm sure I'll do fine. Everyone else seems to think I will. 

The only other big news is that my son is turning 17 on Friday. Holy crap!! Seventeen! Where does the time go? He's spending the night at a friend's house on Friday, I don't know what else he wants to do. His girlfriend was supposed to be down this weekend to see him (she lives in Montrose - about 4 hours from us) but I guess she's coming the following week instead. So we'll have to come up with something to do for him. 

I've hit a dry spell art wise, haven't really drawn anything for the past couple of weeks except for a tattoo concept that I want to get on the side of my left forearm. It's a unalome with a lotus flower.

 I need to work a couple overtime shifts to earn some extra money so I can convince hubby to let me get another tattoo. We'll see when that happens. But yeah - that's the only thing I've drawn for quite a while. I was hoping inspiration would hit me today but so far I got nothing. Boooooo. Guess I'll scroll Pinterest looking for ideas. 

Anyway, that's it for now. Wish me luck on my interview!

Thursday 2/22/24

It's been a bit since I last wrote. At least it feels that way. 

Anyway, I'm happy to say that I've been working out consistently for the past 2-3 weeks. Go me! It feels so good! And I'm back to doing yoga which I really, truly LOVE. I'm not the best at it, not terribly graceful, but that's okay. I'll get there in time with practice. It just feels so good to move my body. I do yoga with Adriene (she's on youtube) and am also using the Asana Rebel app. The Asana Rebel app kicks my ass, in the best way possible. I know it's making me stronger. 

I'm also really itching to get a new tattoo. I have ideas for 2 tats I want, that can probably be done in the same session (they are smol). I just need to convince hubby that I need them. Wish me luck there :D

I "applied" to be a charge nurse at work again. I did it many years ago and then stepped down because of my mental health. I've been doing so much better for a while now so I think it's time to do it again. We'll see. I have to actually interview for it and I haven't done an interview since I started working at the birth center 16 years ago. So that's nerve wracking. Everyone is telling me I'll do fine. I'm not so sure. I should find out next week when the interview is. Wish me luck on that as well.