Let's start by saying I had a busy week. Work has been crazy - all of the covid babies are starting to be delivered. We are almost always short staffed and its just been soooooo busy! Last night we delivered five babies in 30 minutes! So I've been tired. Still so damn tired. I know part of it is work (I also picked up an extra shift last week), but part of it . . . I don't know. Part of it is my stupid fatigue that won't leave me alone. And it's frustrating. I don't want to be this tired all the time. I have no energy and no motivation. It sucks.
But let's talk about something else. I've been going to RCIA classes since, um, September I think? I'll be honest - I don't know what RCIA stands for. But basically, it's a program of classes to become Catholic. Class is every Tuesday night from 6:30 - 8:30. There are videos, discussions, homework, Bible readings, prayer, and lots of learning. It's been interesting. And part way through I decided that yes, I'm going to become Catholic. Which actually was not an easy decision, as there are some aspects of Catholicism that I don't completely agree with. But I'm taking the plunge - both literally and figuratively. So this past Saturday was our retreat, a day long class so to speak. It started with 8am mass, followed by breakfast and then several hours of quiet, self-guided reflection.
Saturday was the first time I attended mass by myself and it was very different than the masses held on Sundays. It was more informal and only 30 minutes long. But nice. The self guided reflection was not quite what I expected. I mean, I knew we were going to be given a packet to fill out, but I guess I thought there would be more to it. I was a little disappointed. It was more free journaling than anything. Most of the people at the retreat also gave their first confession (I was unable to as I have not yet been baptized). I think I would have gotten more out of the experience had I been able to confess. But alas, such was not the case.
And speaking of baptism, I am being baptized. In about a week and a half at the Saturday night vigil before Easter. After lunch at the retreat we went over what to expect at the baptism (it's me and 3 kids). Let's just say I'll get soaked. It's not a full dunking, but yeah, soaked. At the Easter vigil I'll also be confirmed and have first communion. So this is a pretty big deal. I'm nervous and excited (maybe a little more nervous - I don't want to somehow screw this up). I start off wearing black clothes and then change into white clothes after the baptism, to represent the washing away of sin. Plus, you don't want to be sitting around for 3 hours in wet clothes. True story.
I'm not sure what to expect with all of this in terms of how I'm going to feel. Will it be a profound experience? I certainly hope so. But there's no way of knowing until I go through with it. This sounds utterly ridiculous coming from me, but I hope I'm filled with the holy spirit. I hope it's profound. I hope I am moved.
