Monday 8/8/22 High School

 This morning I took the boy to his high school so he could pick up his schedule, new student ID, laptop, etc. It's hard to believe he's going to be a sophmore. 10th grade. He's driving, get's his official permit on the 17th . . . he's growing up. It's crazy. But in a good way. He's a good kid. A really good kid. 

Last night was my first night Pristiq free and on 20mg of Lexapro. So far I haven't had any brain zaps or other withdrawal symptoms, which is good. Hopefully I won't. And, now that I'm on the full 20mg of Lexapro, I'm hoping to start feeling better. Although, to be honest, I'm not all that hopeful. I've really been struggling the past several weeks. To where I don't just feel blah or down - I feel depressed. Like, legit depressed. To where I don't want to do anything. Just sleep. Or scroll social media, or stare off into space. It's not good. I hate that I feel this way again. I'm doing everything I can to NOT feel like this. I'm forcing myself to do stuff, even when I desperately don't want to. And I started my Emotional and Mental Mastery program again. I did it like 3 years ago, and it helped. So I figured why not start again? I'm 3 videos in and there's 133 videos, with homework and tasks to do. The only thing different this time is that I won't have the check up calls with Ty Hicks, the guy who created the program. I'm hoping it will help. I need something to help. I'm so tired of feeling like this. It sucks, royally. So I'm going to work the program again, take my meds, see Mike when I can, see Marciniak, do my Esteem Quest tasks (another program I'm doing to try and help with my confidence and self esteem), get enough sleep, eat healthier, exercise . . . what more can I do? I don't even know. I'm doing everything I can think of. 

I guess that's all I have today. Anything more will just be me venting about how I'm feeling. And I don't really want to do that. 

Friday 8/20/21 Yeah

 Wow. It's been almost a month since I last wrote. Crazy. I didn't think it had been this long. And the sad thing? Nothing much is going on. It's pretty much been the same thing, over and over. 

Work is still busy as fuck. I'm still burnt out. I'm still working my extra shifts and being asked to work more (I don't though). But I only have 3 more shifts until I have 10 days off. Ten glorious days in a row without work. I'm so looking forward to it. The thing that sucks though is that the first day of the ten off I'm having a molar pulled. I am NOT looking forward to that. It's the molar I had a root canal done on. When the dentist did the root canal, some of the sealant went through the root and into my jaw. So this isn't going to be an easy wiggle-wiggle-pull type of procedure. No, they'll probably have to shatter the tooth and pull out the pieces. My dentist told me to do it under anesthesia because of the pain. Joy. And told me that I would be in pain for several days after. Severe pain. Double joy. So the first few days of my time off will be spent recovering from this. Oh! And I get to have nothing but soft foods for two weeks. Triple joy.

Let's move on to something less horrible - today marks the end of the first week of high school for my son. I can't believe I have a high schooler!! And to think that next March he can get his learner's permit. He'll be driving! It's pretty cool though, watching him grow and change over the years . . . He's such a good kid. The best kid really. I'm so proud of him. 

I've had a hard time with motivation and inspiration lately. The only thing I'm motivated to do is sleep. Nap. Go to bed. It's awful. I hate that I feel this way. And with my artwork I have no inspiration. No drive to do or make anything. Every once in awhile I'll get a little spark. The tiniest little burst of inspiration, but always at the most inopportune time. And then - poof - it's gone. I want to sew cute things, but I don't know what. Or how. (I'm really over the whole zombie thing). And I want to draw and paint things . . . I just don't know what. I see other people's work and I'm jealous - I wish I could create something that others want to buy. But I'm stuck in a rut. A rut with no creativity. 

In other news, I awoke to a text from my bank yesterday stating that they noticed suspicious activity on my debit card. Checked the account and someone apparently hacked my Etsy account and went on a spending spree. Luckily Etsy caught it, cancelled the orders, and the money was refunded. So yesterday and this morning were spent trying to get my account back and protected. We cancelled my bank card so I had to get a new one. I've changed my password on Etsy 4 times now (as I keep getting shut out and prompted to create a new password). It's been a stressful mess. So I changed my passwords to everything. Ugh. What a pain in the ass. 

That's about it. There's not much else going on. Work and blah and exhaustion.  

Thursday 7/29/21 I got my tattoo!

 Holy cow y'all! July is almost over! This summer has flown by! Just, really flown by. It's hard to believe that my son will be starting high school on August 16th - that's not far away. It's crazy. But it's happening. 

In other news, yes, I'm still burnt out at work. It's been a little better, but I'm still burnt out. This week is Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (although I was asked if I'd work today too - I declined). This week has been ever so slightly slower, but still busy in the big scheme of things. Still looking forward to my time off in August. 

Also, today has been weird. I woke up feeling weak and lightheaded and stayed that way all morning. I was planning on getting on the spin bike and doing legs, but I couldn't. Just walking bills out to the mailbox made me short of breath and feeling like I was going to pass out. I don't know what was up. I've also had the trots today, all morning really. That seems to have subsided now. Thank goodness! I don't like feeling how I was. I thought maybe low blood sugar or low blood pressure, but I have no way to test those theories. I've eaten breakfast and lunch and am feeling a bit better now, but still like I have no energy. Which is annoying. I want to be able to workout. 

And, like the title says, I did get my tattoo last Friday! I love it! I went with a new artist this time around and couldn't be happier. It only took 2 hours and didn't hurt at all. 

This was taken two days after having it done (it's currently in the peeling stage). My little chickadee. This is on the top of my right forearm. Pretty darn cool, right? It's my own artwork, as are most of my tattoos.