I needed to write this because if I don't I seriously think I'm going to explode and that would just be messy and a pain in the ass to clean. I mean really.
Anyway, I'm going through a bit of a downswing but this is one of the few instances where I know why. Or at least I think I know why. Stress. Motherfucking stress. Well it's not all stress, but there's some damned motherfucking stress up in here. What kind of stress? I'm so glad you asked.
Moving.
That's right, hubby and I are moving. But this wasn't our choice, nooooo. Our landlord informed us that the owner of our house wanted to sell so we needed to move. Now, moving is stressful enough without having to scramble to find a place to live on a very narrow timeline. Good news is that we found a place (nicer than where we're at now) and our moving schedule fits within the timeline. Go us. But the stress and uncertainty has reeked havoc on my moods. I've found myself depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, withdrawn, angry, and wanting to hide away. I have no motivation. For anything. Even showering is a task I have to force myself to complete. I can honestly say that I'm fucking sick of it.
But this isn't the only thing, oh no. Right now I think I am at the lowest point in my life in regards to how I feel about myself. I hate myself. I hate everything about myself. My weight, how I look, my complexion, my hair, how I dress, how I do my makeup . . . the list goes on and on. I'm the heaviest right now that I've ever been. I know this is mostly thanks to my bipolar meds as all 3 of them cause weight gain, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm fat, my clothes don't fit right, and nothing I do seems to help. And that makes me feel like complete shit. And I beat myself up over everything which adds to the depression and makes me feel worse. I'm trying to eat healthy and work out but I have no fucking motivation. Seriously - some days I can barely get out of bed to take my son to school.
This is not helping me.
