Wednesday 12/23/20 Christmas is Coming

 Christmas is coming. In two days. It certainly doesn't feel like Christmas this year. But let's be honest - it's been a fucked up year. With Covid, the election, riots . . . it's truly been a fucked up year. One that I am very glad is over soon. 

I don't often get in the Christmas spirit - it's not my holiday - but this year is especially bad. We didn't put up our tree, there's no decorations up anywhere in the house, and I'm not even sure we've finished all of our shopping - and yes, Christmas is in 2 days! It all seems very unreal. Maybe even surreal. I don't even know.

For once, in like the past five years, I actually have Christmas off. I work Christmas eve, but have the actual day off. And we can't do anything because of Covid. There will be no visiting of family, no Christmas brunch at my mom's house, no going to Brighton to see hubs' family. There will be ridiculously early church service and that's about it. Which sucks. And I didn't realize how much it sucks until writing this out. 

But Christmas will come and go, we'll move on, and pray that things will soon return to "normal". And by "normal" I mean a pre-covid state. But who knows when that will happen.

In an attempt to being cheerful I painted this festive little crow:

He's very cute in his festive hat. I like him.

In other news, my sister-in-law may have covid and my brother rather abruptly quit his job. Neither of these things are good. Apparently my brother - who worked at a pawn shop - got in an altercation with some customers who refused to put on masks. He, I guess, got so pissed that he walked out. Quit. Right then and there. He's done this before, and really, it's not good. He won't talk to me about it at all. We hardly talk anymore anyway - he's become somewhat of a recluse. He has depression and anxiety and refuses to get help for it. Smokes pot all day every day instead. Which, if I'm being honest, infuriates me. He has such potential, he just fails to see it. 

Anyway, I should probably end on a positive note, right? Let's see . . . something positive . . . Um, well, my mood is still hanging in there. I'm still stable and relatively happy (I say relatively because I'm a little bummed out about Christmas and overwhelmed by everything). I'm working full time again and it's going well for me. The extra money, of course, is helpful as well. And I may have enough money saved up to get my tattoo! So yeah. Positivity. Boom.

Friday 12/18/20 Covid Vaccine and Stuff

 Well it's Friday again. Another week has gone by. And nothing terribly exciting has happened. I painted some bookmarks, a couple of paintings (which I'll share below), worked (it's been busy), and got the first dose of the Covid vaccine. 

Wait, what? The covid vaccine? Yep. I got the first dose of it Wednesday night after I got off work. I get my second dose January 7th (I hear the side effects of the second dose can be pretty bad). The side effects for this first dose weren't too bad: arm soreness where I got the shot, and some minor body aches, headache, and sore throat. That went away after several hours. I was nervous to get it. I mean, yeah there was a test sample of 40,000 people, but we don't know any long term side effects of this vaccine. A vaccine that was developed insanely rapidly. But talking with fellow nurses helped calm my fears and I decided that if I can do something to protect myself - that will ultimately help protect my family - then I need to do it. So I got the vaccine. Hopefully I won't get some weird cancer in 2 years or something. 

Working full time is so far working well for me. And the extra money of course is nice. We were busy this past week and I didn't have to float to another unit which is always stellar. I work again tomorrow but I'm primary nursery, so no floating for me tomorrow either. I enjoy not floating. 

I seriously don't know what else to write about. Writing comes so naturally when I'm feeling like shit. But when I'm well, I'm at a loss for words. It kind of sucks because I enjoy writing but my life is pretty freaking boring. I don't really go anywhere other than work and grocery shopping - thanks covid. We're not going on any adventures or anything. It's too cold to go on walks or hiking. So yeah. Boring. Nothing going on. 

But, without further adieu, here's my two paintings I did:

A judgmental pigeon

He's judging you. Harshly.

And a mountain bluebird

Well there you have it. Another week in the boring life of me. Yay.

Friday 12/11/20 Thoughts and Hummingbirds

 It's been a busy week at work. I'm working full time again (three 12-hour shifts a week) and I don't think my body is quite used to it. Especially considering how busy it was. I floated to another unit on Monday - 6th floor rehab. And I worked my ass off. I was helping hands, meaning I was helping get people up, emptying foleys, passing out trays, picking up trays, changing beds, doing vital signs, and answering call lights. It's a different kind of busy than I'm used to. When I work on mom/baby I'm taking care of healthy, capable moms and their babies - not people that can't get to the toilet without 2-3 people helping them. Makes me appreciate my job so much more. But it was a good day. 

And then Wednesday I was in nursery and we did 12 deliveries - 7 of them in 2 hours. It was crazy and nonstop. Yesterday I was nursery again and thankfully it wasn't as busy - only 5 deliveries and they spaced out nicely. 

And through it all my mood has remained good! Which is amazing! I've felt like I've been coming down with something though. I've had a headache for 2 weeks, a cough, some sneezing, fatigue, and sinus pressure. I was exposed to Covid on Thanksgiving and I know some people think I have a mild case of it. I don't know. I hope not. Hubby and son haven't gotten sick and I've been around them daily without a mask so . . . 

I've been getting some custom orders. I just finished an order for 7 hummingbird bookmarks:

I'm going to need to start raising my prices. I charged $3 each for these and they were more work than $21. But the person is my sister's hubby's aunt, so I gave them a break. But from now on prices are going up. 

Anyway, that's it. Things are pretty boring here. Nothing really new or exciting. 
 

Thursday 12/3/20 Doc appt and a Christmas Fox

 Let's just get down to it.

I had an appointment yesterday with a urologist for urodynamic testing because I'm having trouble peeing (probably TMI, you're welcome). So yeah, especially at night, sometimes it takes several minutes of sitting on the toilet before I can actually go. Which is freaking annoying, to say the least. So I saw a urologist and she recommended this test. Urodynamic testing, in case you don't know, consists of putting a catheter in the urethra and in the rectum (along with several electrodes) to measure muscle contractility and some other stuff (like strength of your stream, how much you pee after your bladder is filled, etc). Let me tell you, it's uncomfortable. 

So they insert the catheters and begin filling my bladder with water. They fill it until I feel like I can't absolutely hold it for any longer and have to pee. Then they have you pee around the catheter. Which is actually kind of difficult to do because 1. you're peeing around a catheter, 2. you're not peeing into an actual toilet, and 3. because I have trouble peeing. So I wasn't able to pee much and what I did go I had to force out. But, thankfully, the urologist was able to get the info she needed from the test. And what did we find out? My bladder muscle is weak and isn't contracting like it should, making it difficult for me to pee and to empty my bladder. Fantastic. And she had a theory as to why this is happening - my Wellbutrin. 

I was started on Wellbutrin last June or July and started having trouble peeing in August. Apparently, antidepressants can cause the bladder muscle to weaken and not contract. So I have four options: 1. try going off my Wellbutrin and see if this helps, 2. go on another medication that could help me pee (only works in about 50% of people), 3. straight cath myself instead of actually peeing (um, NO), or 4. have surgery to implant a stimulator that forces my bladder to contract so I can pee. I'm choosing to try going off my Wellbutrin and see if that helps. I see my psychiatrist on the 14th and I'll talk to him about it then. To be honest, I'm scared to death to go off the Wellbutrin because I've been doing so well and I don't want to backslide mood wise. But I also don't want to go on another medication - especially if it only works in 50% of people - and I certainly don't want to cath myself or have surgery. I probably couldn't even have the surgery if I wanted it because of covid. 

So yeah. I'm going to try going off of Wellbutrin, as scary as that is. And I'll pray that I don't backslide and that it actually helps with being able to pee. Ugh. My body and brain hate me. 

In other news, I painted a fox with a santa hat and people really liked it. Enough so that I painted 3 more of the same picture because people were wanting it and I don't have a print shop as of right now. 

The original painting is the one in the upper left. The other three are my copycats. Pretty darn good, yeah? So I need to find a print shop so that I can make prints of my popular paintings, and I need to start charging more for the originals. Because I can't keep doing this. It's just dumb. 

Oh yeah - and at work now it's mandatory for us to float to other units to help out. We've never had to float before and it's a little nerve wracking. I haven't done med/surg nursing in 13 years. As of right now we're only supposed to be "helping hands" - meaning we're not supposed to take an assignment. But that could all change depending on how high the covid numbers get. I'm not looking forward to this, but I'm also not letting it ruin my mood. It is what it is, even if it's scary.