Saturday 11/28/20

 Sooooo . . . here we are again. Meeting on my blog. That I think only my hubby reads. Which is okay. I'm writing for myself - not for the masses. 

This past week has been, in all honesty, pretty boring. I've worked, I've painted. That's about it. It was Thanksgiving this past Thursday. A weird thanksgiving, amidst a pandemic. I worked, of course. But it was a slow day (only delivered one baby), and I was there with my bestie Lesley. A food truck came to the hospital, serving up thanksgiving staples for the employees for free. So that was nice. I talked with my grandparents and my mom (who surprisingly hadn't been drinking yet), hung out with Lesley a bit, and did a whole lotta nothing. All in all it was a good day.

My mood, amazingly, has been holding steady. I've been good. I'm laughing, I'm talking more, interacting with coworkers more, and just feeling really good. I feel stable. I feel normal. I feel human. It's so wonderful and awesome and I'm so blessed that I finally feel this way, for a prolonged period of time (5 months now). I did have some dipity doos a couple of months ago, but overall I have felt fantastic. 

I am officially working full time again now. Three 12 hour shifts a week. I'm excited about it. How strange is that? To be excited about working more. But I am. I think because it solidifies the truth that I'm doing better. Really, genuinely, doing better. And, of course, the extra money will be nice. I need to save up for my tattoo you know!

And, I'm not sure I've written about this yet (I don't remember and I'm too lazy right now to go back and look), but I've been doing the RCIA classes at my hubby's church. What's RCIA you ask? Well, it's classes to become Catholic. Yep. I'm doing that. Something that I never thought I'd be doing. If everything goes according to plan, I'll be baptized the Saturday evening mass before Easter Sunday (I was never baptized by my parents). It's kind of surreal to think about. And scary. And exciting. I'm having a sort of spiritual awakening, something I never thought would happen. I've been praying more - I don't have a routine down though. I don't even think I'm praying "correctly" (whatever that is). But I'm praying. And it feels good. It feels right. I can't believe I'm even typing this out - it's so foreign to me. But, that's where I am. 

So anyway, that's about it for now. I hope you all are doing well (points at hubby). 

Thursday 11/19/20 Therapy

 Well y'all, today I had my last "real" therapy session. What do I mean by "real"? I mean, my last regularly scheduled therapy session. Meaning, I'm no longer going to therapy. Which is crazy, and a little bit scary.

See, I've been going to therapy almost weekly for 8 years (sometimes I would go bi-weekly or monthly, but a lot of the time was weekly). Eight years people! That's a lot of therapy! And now, well, now I'm stable and have been for quite some time. My therapist and I had gone over my traumas years ago so there's not really anything I need to work on. In fact, todays session was a lot of BSing and laughing. 

But it is going to be weird not actually going. And of course, if I need a "tune up" all I have to do is call or text and set up an appointment. So yeah. I'm moving on. 

I've still been painting a lot - and have sold most of what I've painted. Which is convenient so that I don't have paintings lying around everywhere. And I need to save up money for my next tattoo. 

Here's what I painted today:

Well, one of the paintings I did today. I also painted a cardinal. Which I sold. But this is an artistic magpie! Isn't he cute? I love him.  I think he will be hanging on my wall soon. 

So anyway, I really want to give a shoutout to my therapist, Mike, for being awesome as hell and putting up with my crazy ass for 8 years. He's truly amazing.  

Friday 11/13/20 Friday the 13th

 Welp. It's Friday the 13th. In 2020. I'm bracing myself for some fucked up shit to happen. But hopefully it won't. This year has been awful enough already. 

Sooooo, guess what? I'm going back to full time! That's right! Full time baby! I've been working only two 12-hour shifts a week for the last 6 years (full time is three 12-hour shifts). And yeah - I'm finally going back to full time. Why, you ask? Well, because 1. I'm feeling good and stable and ready to tackle it, and 2. the extra money will be nice. It was actually a daunting decision to make, and one I'm still a little nervous about. But I think it will be good for me. And besides, I need to save up money for my next tattoo. 

Speaking of tattoos, I finally settled on what I want and where I want it. 

Here's what I will be getting:

Yes, I did paint that. I'm getting it on the back of my right forearm. I absolutely ADORE magpies (and other corvids as well), but magpies in particular because they are really quite beautiful. I'm hoping to have my tattoo done by January or February. We'll see. *fingers crossed*

There's another painting I did that came in a close second:

I just happen to like the first one a smidge more. I can't wait to have it done! It's been so long since I've gotten a tattoo (I'm not even sure how long - 6? 7 years?). I'm very overdue for one. 

In other news, I've been still feeling quite well. Upbeat, happy, and generally more relaxed and less cranky. Which is so freaking nice! 

Anyway, that's my little update. Here's to full time and a new tattoo!

Friday 11/6/20 Magpie Fun

 I'm tired. I worked three 12-hour shifts in a row. It's been years since I've done that. I normally don't even work two shifts in a row if I can help it - it takes a toll on me. But this week I did three. And today I'm tired. I'm trying my best not to nap but I may end up taking one anyway. We'll see. 

Overall I'm doing pretty darn good. Some little dippity dos here and there, but overall I'm stable and happy. Which is amazing, really. I've been feeling much better since the end of July (yes, I've had some drops, but I've come back up). It's pretty nice to be feeling this way. Hopefully it'll keep up.

In my last post I mentioned my next tattoo - two magpies. I've been sketching magpies and today I painted another:

I like him. This painting isn't for my tattoo necessarily. I just felt like painting him. Magpies are so gorgeous with their iridescent feathers. I love them. But what I need to be doing is painting stuff that I can sell so I can save up for my tattoo. I'm really itching to get it done. It's been a long time since I've gotten new ink. 

It's kind of weird . . . when I feel like crap all I want to do is write. And when I'm feeling good, I can't think of anything to say. Well, I guess that's all for now.