Ten days since my last post and a lot has happened. I was hospitalized for one. Well, that's the biggie. I was hospitalized from 2/8 through 2/12/18. Five days in Peak View. It was needed. I was severely depressed and suicidal. There were no med changes (I told them there that I didn't want my meds changed unless they consulted with my normal psychiatrist). I think being away from the normal stressors and responsibilities of life is what helped. The first two days were rough (Thursday and Friday) and I was pretty bad off. But by Saturday and Sunday I was starting to feel better. Well enough to be discharged on Monday (thank God).
And now I've been home a few days and I'm still feeling depressed. Yes, I know my depression isn't going to magically go away just because I was inpatient a few days but lets be honest - I was secretly hoping it would. I feel so empty and down. Not anywhere near where I was when I went in, but still pretty shitty.
And it's fucking annoying.
I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and he wants to increase the frequency of my ECT for a bit. Yay. I'm trying to get off of ECT, not do it more often. But, I also don't want to feel how I'm feeling. So yeah. I have ECT next Monday. And I guess we go from there.
I saw my therapist on Tuesday and we were trying to come up with strategies to keep me from getting as bad as I did. Sadly, we really didn't come up with anything. I'm already doing so much and as he says, I'm doing everything right. I'm a model patient. So I got some essential oils to try and I may try taking up yoga. The other thing he mentioned was medical massage. Some insurances may cover that so it's something to look into. I'm open to anything, really. I'm sick of feeling like this.
I'm going back to work this upcoming Sunday. Some may think that's too soon after what I went through, but I think it would be worse for me to just sit around at home. So I'm going to try going back and we'll see how it goes.
That's about all I got right now. I'm writing about the hospitalization for my book so . . .
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