Two postings in one week? Holy cow! What's up with that?
I'll tell you. I had therapy today. It's been 8 weeks since my last appointment, which is quite a long time. The longest I've gone between sessions. Which is kinda weird. It shows that I've been doing better, even though I feel like I'm slipping.
Speaking of slipping, M and I talked about that quite a bit today. And how I'm too hard on myself (I feel like a failure for having bad days and I do tend to beat myself up over it). The thing is, we don't really have an action plan. Nothing new at least. I'm to just keep plugging along, powering through, using all of my skills and tools that I've learned to fight back. Which in and of itself is kind of depressing. Because I'm using all of my skills and still back sliding a bit. I even started tearing up a bit while talking. Because it just seems so hopeless and pointless that I get to do this for the rest of my life.
And unfair.
But life isn't fair, is it? No, it isn't. And that sucks.
I'm trying my best to stay positive. I've been painting upbeat, motivational things. Like this little guy:
My positive paintings have been a hit with friends, coworkers and strangers alike. I've sold quite a few different ones. And some days I feel it. I feel like I can do the thing. But other days . . . I'd rather just sleep to escape. Today is a bit of a sleep-to-escape day. But I'm going to try not to. I'm going to try to read and power through.
This is not the start of a depressive episode. It's not. I will beat whatever little funk I am in and get back to feeling good.
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