A lot happened this week. I took my first intermittent FMLA day on Tuesday, I had another ketamine infusion yesterday, and I saw my new therapist today. Quite a bit if you ask me.
I worked this past Sunday and had a really rough go of it. I was even disassociating, and people noticed. So I felt it was best if I had an extra day off and called in sick on Tuesday (which gives me the whole week off because I don't work again until Saturday). I felt bad calling in, but I have the FMLA for exactly this reason so I might as well use it.
Yesterday was another ketamine infusion. My last one (2 weeks ago) was less than helpful. It was dark and heavy and overbearing and I felt anxious. Yesterday, though, was the complete opposite. It was light and airy and and colorful and comforting like a big marshmallow hug. I felt calm and warm and joyful. I left feeling hopeful. I still feel hopeful, which is wonderful. My mood was immediately lifted and I went from feeling depressed to feeling pretty okay.
And today. Today I saw my new therapist for the first time. Her name is Becky and she's super nice. She does things quite a bit differently than Mike does, which will hopefully be a good thing. A new perspective, you know? A fresh set of eyes. I didn't know what to expect going in today. I was keeping an open mind. She had me talk about my last session with Mike which brought up tears. I wasn't expecting that, honestly. For it to still be so raw and painful. But that's grief for ya. Rears its ugly head whenever it pleases. We made a game plan of what we're going to tackle and she wants to see me every other week for a bit so we can start to build a relationship. I think this will be good for me. I ordered a book she had in her office, No Bad Parts, by Richard Schwartz. She trained under Dr. Schwartz, apparently, and uses his theory in her practice. So hey - why not read up on it?
Wow. I don't really have much more to write. I thought there would be more, I really did. Maybe that's a good thing?
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