Been like a week and a half since I last wrote. As the title suggests, I'm getting cold feet. About what, you ask?
School.
Starting school.
I start in less than 2 weeks and I'm getting cold feet. I bought a new laptop this past weekend and I have yet to open the box. I keep thinking, well, if I drop out now I can return the laptop, return my text book, not pay any fees . . . I'm just scared. I'm worried about how I'm going to do with my memory issues. Worried about how hard it's going to be, how much am I going to struggle, how little free time I'm going to have. All of my free time will be devoted to school and I'm not really digging that. I'm going to have to work harder than other people because of my memory issues. I'm just really scared. I keep telling myself I'll never know if I don't try. I've only truly failed if I don't try. It's a lot though. And the university website shows I'm enrolled but I can't "see" my class. Like, in the online orientation I did, you could "see" your class - the requirements, what book(s) you need, etc. - but I can't see it. The "My Courses" icon isn't a clickable link. So I'm kind of lost. I guess I'm going to have to email my advisor and be like, am I missing something? Or am I just dumb? I don't know.
I'm telling myself I just have to take one class. Just one class. If I don't like it, if I don't do well, I can quit. Just one class. Because I really won't know if I don't try. And who knows - maybe I'll actually do well. Maybe I'll enjoy it. We'll see. In less than 2 weeks we'll see.
In other news, I saw the cardiologist about my heart palpitations. My EKG there was normal (no surprise there). I'm having an echo done this upcoming Thursday and I get to wear a holter monitor for 3 days (it has been mailed out to me, should get it this week sometime). Some days the palpitations aren't too bad, other days they are awful. Sometimes I have 10-15 noticeable palpitations an hour. Sometimes I only have a couple. But they're still there and they're still annoying. And now I've been getting brain zaps as well. Which I think are totally unrelated to the palpitations (I've tried looking for a correlation online and have found nothing). Typically brain zaps occur when tapering off of an antidepressant - something I am not doing. So I have no idea why I'm getting them. But they, too, are annoying. What the heck is wrong with me??
Anyway, there's nothing much else going on at the moment. I'm not hating work as much as I was, which is good I guess. That's about it.
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