Tuesday 6/22/21 Two Weeks

 Wow. It's been two weeks since my last post. I meant to blog last week but just didn't get around to it. Maybe because there's nothing much exciting going on.

Work is still busy and we're back to mandatory floating again. Which sucks. I hate floating to other units. But the whole hospital is busy. In fact, most days we're at capacity. On all units. And there have been a lot of psych patients apparently because our nurses and CNAs are floating to be "sitters" (you basically "sit" in the patient's room and watch them if they're a risk to themselves or others). Great fun. Ugh. But you do what you gotta do I guess. It just sucks. 

My brain is still being an asshole on occasion. If I'm busy I seem to do okay. But when I have downtime I tend to trend downwards. I've had a couple days where I've been pretty down. Depressive symptoms. Which really annoys me. I'm fighting it as much as I can because I don't want to lose my foothold on stability. So I fight it. And sometimes fighting it means taking a nap. Sometimes I need to escape. 

I saw my psychiatrist today, I haven't seen him in 7 months. He's very happy with how well I'm doing. We're not changing any of my meds and I'll see him again in 6 months (sooner, of course, if I need to, but I'm hoping I don't). Being on the Wellbutrin I'm still having trouble peeing. I can pee, it just takes me a couple of minutes to start going sometimes (usually worse at night). Dr. M said that now I know what it feels like to be an old man with an enlarged prostate! Yes, I guess I can sympathize now. Ha! We had a good laugh over that. Although, that's something I'd rather not sympathize with . . .

Aaaaaand, I'm getting my next tattoo July 23rd! Hooray!! I'm so excited! I'm seeing a new artist (my old one can't be bothered to call me back). He's a little more pricey but I think he'll be worth it. His work is amazing. Soon I'll have a little chickadee on my forearm. I can't wait! I wish I was getting it sooner, but I guess I can wait a month (I really have no choice . . . ). 

On the weight loss front I seem to be stuck where I'm at. Nineteen pounds lost. I had started a new plan called G Plans and since I've been following it I haven't lost any weight. It's very frustrating. It has me eating quite a bit of food. Too much I think. I know it's supposed to "ignite my fat burning potential", but now I'm just stuck. For two weeks now. I'm thinking I might stray off of it and do what I was doing before - modified paleo diet, cutting refined carbs and sugars, and watching my calories. Admittedly, I need to move more. In some manner I need to be working out. I still haven't started my yoga app and I've slipped behind on my face yoga. Last week I did however use my spin bike twice. It's a start. I'll get there. I know I will. One way or another.  

Tuesday 6/8/21 My brain, the asshole

 Sometimes my brain can be an asshole. But we know this - I'm bipolar. So really it's no surprise. But the past week I've had several down days, which is annoying, to say the least. Mostly I feel blah. But Sunday I felt down. Like, down. For no reason. I woke up feeling that way. So down I didn't want to go to church. But I went, and I'm glad I did because it helped a little. I found a perfect pinecone outside of our church and it helped lift my spirits a little bit. Then yesterday at work I was okay. My mood was pretty good.

Today though, today is not a good day. I'm cranky and annoyed with everything and feel down and blah all at the same time. I'm not in a good place today. And what doesn't help is that I just got off the phone with my mom. She called at 10:30 - in the morning - and she's already drunk. I have a very strained relationship with her (that's putting it lightly). And trying to talk to her when she's been drinking is horrendous. I can't. Fucking. Stand it. I'm not the best talking to her when she's sober (and, let's be honest, that's a rare thing), so dealing with her when she's drunk . . . let's just say it tries my patience. But I was the good daughter and talked to her on the phone, which really consists of me listening to her slur her words and complain about everything that is wrong in her life. She even complains about things that are good in her life. Everything is horrible and nothing is okay. It's exhausting and draining to have to listen to her and not lash out. So many of her problems would be solved if she didn't drink all day every day. 

But I digress. 

I tried to motivate myself this morning. To do something. Anything physical. I don't have the motivation. I don't have the drive. It's like I just don't care. But I did my face yoga (oh yeah - I started doing face yoga), and I stretched. It's all I could bring myself to do. On Thursday I'm going to try and do 10 minutes on the spin bike. Just 10. Start small. Make it a habit. Then increase my time gradually. That's my plan. Today I stretched, Thursday I'll do the spin bike. And then I'll try actual yoga. I mentioned last week that I had downloaded an app for yoga. Well, I have yet to use it. It intimidates me. So I'll start small. I'll build up. I'll get there. 

And today I emailed a guy about my next tattoo. I'm starting the process. Hopefully I can get my next one soon. Sooner rather than later. Hopefully it won't take long for this guy to get back to me. 

Anyway, that's about it. I had a lovely four day weekend this past weekend (except for my mood). There was much relaxing. And a drive up Rampart Range Rd into the mountains. Which I thoroughly enjoyed. The end.   

Tuesday 6/1/21 I Got Nothing

 It's hard to believe it's June already. It certainly doesn't feel like it - 1. because May went by so quickly, and, 2. the weather has been chilly and rainy most of May so it doesn't feel like summer. But here it is, June 1st. Hubby turns 44 in two days. Haha! He's old! But then, so am I. 

It's also kind of weird that I have nothing much to talk about. There isn't much going on. We had a garage sale this past Saturday which - surprise - got rained out. We're selling all of our Halloween decorations. All of them. There's a lot. We've sold a decent percentage but there's still more to go. Quite a bit more to go. Ugh. Eventually we'll sell them all. 

As of Saturday I've lost 19 pounds. Go me! This is a huge accomplishment for me. And all of this is just from changing my eating habits - I haven't been to the gym in about a month and a half. Crazy. I'm changing that this week. I'm going to get my butt moving again. In fact, I downloaded a yoga app on my phone and I'm going to start using it. And lifting weights. And doing cardio. I'll probably have to start slow, but that's okay. As long as I'm moving. 

I've almost got hubby convinced to let me get my tattoo . . . I got an extra $200 from work for picking up extra days (as a thank you from my boss), so I need about $400 more, to be on the safe side. I told him it could be an early birthday gift for me :D So we'll see. Hopefully I'll be able to get it this summer. 

In other news, I was called off today from work which is very nice. I have lots of PTO to kill - I have as much as I can have and I can't accrue more until I use some. I like getting paid to sit at home. Though I am a little bored . . . oh well. Go to the gym this afternoon and maybe get on the spin bike. 

That's about it. There's nothing new or exciting going on.

The End.

Tuesday 5/25/21 I Need Ink

 Well it's Tuesday again, funny how that happens. 

So there's not much new in my world, I'm really rather boring. Hubby got a new car (at least new to us). This was Saturday. A 2013 Toyota Venza. It's silver, fully loaded, all wheel drive . . . a real nice ride. He's been wanting a Venza for years so this is pretty cool. It's super comfy, too. 

I've discovered that junk food doesn't agree with me any more. Since I've been eating healthier and mostly clean, my tummy does NOT tolerate junk (think fast food, refined sugar, fried foods . . . ). I get crampy and gassy and yes, diarrhea. So much fun! I mean, I guess it's good, right? No longer eating junk is good (and has helped me lose 18 pounds so far), and with getting the bubble guts I have a good deterrent to junk food. But MAN would I like a greasy Culver's burger and side of cheese curds! Even my beloved Chic fil a does me wrong now. Ugh. Oh well, healthy eating it is. I've been thinking of taking a food sensitivity test though, to see if there's something specific I'm reacting to (ya know, like gluten or dairy). We'll see. 

In other news, I'm jonesing for some new ink. On the top part of my right forearm. I just need to convince hubby that I need another tattoo. I've even designed it! I did 3 different paintings: two of a chickadee with cherry blossoms and one with a chickadee on a pine tree branch. The cherry blossoms are okay, but I love the one I painted today.

Chickadee on a pine tree branch! Some back story - I love chickadees. They remind me of my dad. Because growing up I would spend the weekends with him and I loved watching and listening to the chickadees up in the mountains. And pine trees remind me of the mountains too, for obvious reasons. And while I do love cherry blossoms, I just happen to like this painting the best out of all of them. So I do believe, with about 90% certainty, that this is my next tattoo. Now I just have to get hubby on board.

There's nothing much else going on. I had to call in sick to work on Saturday because of said bubble guts. Yesterday I helped deliver a 27 week old baby (40 weeks is term). She was super tiny - not quite 2 pounds! It was pretty awesome. My mood has still been holding steady, doing good. And our weather is finally feeling like spring but I'm still wearing my hoodie today because for some reason I'm FREEZING. I need to go sit out in the sun.

Tuesday 5/18/21

My computer is annoying me. Every 2-3 minutes a virus protection warning pops up, urging me to purchase antivirus software. STOP IT!!!!

Anyway, it's Tuesday and I've got nothing going on. I slept in, took my son to school, had a chiropractor appointment, and then went to my mother-in-law's house to stay with her while my brother-in-law went to the gym and to the store. So yeah, my mother-in-law, E, is home. She was discharged from the hospital on Saturday afternoon and is now home and doing fairly well. Although she doesn't like having to have people take care of her. My brother-in-law, S, took a couple of weeks off to be home with her and to help her get around. I'm not sure what we'll do when the two weeks are up. If E can't get around by herself (like to the bathroom and such) I really don't know what we'll do. Hubby and I both work full time so it's not like we can stay over with her all the time. I hope to God that she's more mobile and independent in a couple of weeks. 

In other news, we're looking to buy a new car. Hubbs wants a Toyota Venza and I agree, they're nice (especially the new ones!). Sadly, we cannot afford a new one, so used it is! We found one yesterday that looked real nice, drove real nice, and we negotiated a good price . . . only to find out that the undercarriage is completely rusted out. Darn it!! So it was a no go. Still looking. 

Yesterday was also our anniversary. We've been married for 18 years, together for 21! Holy crap can you believe it??? It doesn't seem like it's been that long, but it has been. Crazy. We spent the day car shopping and being let down by the rusty Venza. Went out to dinner to Red Robin and my tummy hated me for that. We ordered their tower of onion rings - which is delicious - but my tummy no longer seems to handle junk food well. By the end of our meal I was in pain. Bloated, gassy, cramping. I went to bed early and was horribly uncomfortable laying down because of the cramping and bloat. Ugh. So much for junk food I guess. I get the same way when I eat something sweet - like cookies or donuts and whatnot. Which, let's be honest, kind of sucks. I want to be able to eat junk food every once in a while but my tummy says no. So no fried or greasy foods or sweets. Bummer. Oh well, maybe it will help me lose weight and be healthier.   

Friday 5/14/21 A Day Off

 That's right! A day off! I'm supposed to be at work right now but I was put on call. Which is soooo nice since I already have worked three 12 hour shifts this week and I'm on call tomorrow. I've been working a lot these past 2 weeks, picking up extra shifts to help out. And considering I was feeling burnt out before doing this, well . . . let's just say I'm happy to not be at work today. I have a chance of going in at 1pm, but I'm hoping I'll just be released at that point and I'll have the whole day off. *fingers crossed*

The night before last I managed to hurt my black by sleeping funny. Like, really hurt my back. I couldn't turn my head to the left without being in immense pain. I was able to get in to see my hubby's chiropractor yesterday for an adjustment and hubby massaged my back after. The chiropractor took x-rays and man oh man is my back outta whack! I go back on Tuesday for another adjustment, although I feel quite a bit better already. Thank goodness! I've gotta be getting old to throw my back out just by sleeping. Go me!

Also, I'm starting a new eating plan called G-Plans. It's basically eating for my metabolic type. I'm easing into it next week as I only downloaded the app this past Tuesday and, well, I need to plan meals and such. I'm hoping it will continue my current weight loss of about a pound a week. I need to learn how to count macros though. If I use the plan's meals then the plan does it for me automatically. But if I use my own recipe I need to count macros. Gotta look that up. I was doing a plan called Reset before switching to G-Plans but I wasn't really happy with it. The reset days (where you limit yourself to 800 calories) were difficult and not very fun. So I decided to switch it up. Hopefully G-Plans will live up tp it's promises. 

In keeping with weight loss, I don't think I'll lose any weight this week. I managed to binge at work on Wednesday. One of the groups of doctors brought in Chic-Fil-A and I freaking LOVE Chic-Fil-A! I had a few too many tenders and then I had a couple of cookies. My tummy was NOT happy with me. I was bloated, gassy and in pain. I actually skipped dinner that night because my tummy was so upset. And I didn't go to the gym this week because I've been so tired from work and then hurting my back. So yeah. I doubt I'll lose any weight this week. Gotta get back on the horse. 

There's not really much else going on. It's just been work and napping, work and napping. I don't know if I mentioned it in a previous post, but a couple of weeks ago hubby's mom fell and broke her hip. She's been in the hospital the past couple of weeks and is set to be discharged tomorrow. I don't know how I feel about that. I think it would be better for her to go to a rehab facility for a a week or so to get her strength back but her insurance won't cover it. Fucking insurance companies. It's so frustrating. She has stairs at her place to get to her condo and I'm hoping she can maneuver them to get inside. If not, I don't know what we'll do. The whole situation sucks. But she's stubborn and a fighter so I'm sure she'll be alright, one way or another. 

Thursday 5/6/21 Feeling Better

 My last post was a Debbie Downer, wasn't it? Well, I'm happy to say that I'm feeling quite a bit better now. My mood is improved, though I'm still lacking in the motivation department. I worked the last 3 days - BUSY days - and was on call today. Thankfully, I was released from call, so no work for me today! Which is wonderful because I was freaking tired when I got up this morning. So tired that I took a mid morning nap already. I'm off tomorrow too, which is nice, because I still work Saturday and Sunday. 

Tuesday was the day I went to work extra because we had no one to work nursery. I made time and a half and my manager gave me a $125 gift card to say thank you for saving her butt. I wasn't expecting that so that was nice. And I'm spending my day today doing laundry. Yay laundry!!

There's nothing much going on. I'm planning on painting tomorrow - I have 4 bird sketches to paint. And probably more laundry. Cause laundry never ends. Ever. I'm just very grateful that I'm feeling like me again. I really was worried there for a minute. 

So anyway, short post is short.