Tuesday 7/20/21 Been a Minute

 It's been a couple weeks since I last wrote. No real reason really, just nothing much to say I guess. 

I'm so burnt out at work. It's been so busy and I've been working my call shifts in addition to my regular shifts. I need a break. A real break. I'm taking ten days off the end of August (for getting my tooth pulled) and it can't come fast enough. I'm at the point where I practically dread going into work. I work the next two days and I wish I didn't. I'm so tired of work. I'm so burnt out. And I don't know what to do about it. I know everybody gets this way about their job from time to time . . . it's just that I've felt this way for the past several months with no end in sight. I'm crankier. I don't connect as much with my patients. And I'm losing patience. I'm just so tired. It's hard to find the joy in what I do right now. Maybe if it wasn't so damn busy all the time. Maybe if we weren't short staffed every single day. Maybe if I could just take a break. I don't know. But I'm sick of feeling this way. 

In my last post I believe I talked about joining Warrior Babe Blueprint - a nutrition and fitness program. I've watched quite a few of the modules now and I'm counting my macros. I'm working out consistently. And I lost four pounds this past week. It's pretty awesome. I'm on my way to a new, healthier, sustainable lifestyle. And I'm thankful for that. I've learned a lot through the modules and I'm now applying it to my life. I'm going to crush my weight loss goals!

This Friday I'm getting my next tattoo - a chickadee on a pine tree branch. It's weird, but I haven't gotten really excited about it. I think because I'm thinking that something is going to happen so that I can't get it. Which would suck. Because I really want this tattoo. I'm sure Friday morning I'll be excited. 

Also, the past couple of weeks I've been having more twangs of anxiety. They don't last long, but they're there. And it's annoying. I'm feeling anxious right now in fact. Which is super dumb because I'm just sitting on the couch typing this. Nothing else is going on. I mean, WTF brain?? What's up with this??

This post wouldn't be complete without me writing something about my grandpa. See, my grandpa has been deteriorating rapidly the past week or so. He has congestive heart failure and 3rd stage kidney failure. And, I guess, dementia. He has been acting erratically and was even sent to a psych hospital for suicidal and homicidal ideation. He punched a nurse there. They sent him back to the medical hospital because of his declining health. He remains there. My mom and her hubby are driving out to see him and help my grandma move into an assisted living facility. I don't know what's going to come of all of this. My grandpa is in bad shape and it would probably be best for him to pass. I hate to say that, but it's true. I know this has added stress to my life, even though I'm not particularly close to him. He's still family and this is rough. 

So I'm burnt out, with added family stress and anxiety resurfacing. No wonder I'm feeling like crap. I'm trying to prioritize self care, with naps and working out high up there on the list. 

I guess that's it for today.

Friday 5/14/21 A Day Off

 That's right! A day off! I'm supposed to be at work right now but I was put on call. Which is soooo nice since I already have worked three 12 hour shifts this week and I'm on call tomorrow. I've been working a lot these past 2 weeks, picking up extra shifts to help out. And considering I was feeling burnt out before doing this, well . . . let's just say I'm happy to not be at work today. I have a chance of going in at 1pm, but I'm hoping I'll just be released at that point and I'll have the whole day off. *fingers crossed*

The night before last I managed to hurt my black by sleeping funny. Like, really hurt my back. I couldn't turn my head to the left without being in immense pain. I was able to get in to see my hubby's chiropractor yesterday for an adjustment and hubby massaged my back after. The chiropractor took x-rays and man oh man is my back outta whack! I go back on Tuesday for another adjustment, although I feel quite a bit better already. Thank goodness! I've gotta be getting old to throw my back out just by sleeping. Go me!

Also, I'm starting a new eating plan called G-Plans. It's basically eating for my metabolic type. I'm easing into it next week as I only downloaded the app this past Tuesday and, well, I need to plan meals and such. I'm hoping it will continue my current weight loss of about a pound a week. I need to learn how to count macros though. If I use the plan's meals then the plan does it for me automatically. But if I use my own recipe I need to count macros. Gotta look that up. I was doing a plan called Reset before switching to G-Plans but I wasn't really happy with it. The reset days (where you limit yourself to 800 calories) were difficult and not very fun. So I decided to switch it up. Hopefully G-Plans will live up tp it's promises. 

In keeping with weight loss, I don't think I'll lose any weight this week. I managed to binge at work on Wednesday. One of the groups of doctors brought in Chic-Fil-A and I freaking LOVE Chic-Fil-A! I had a few too many tenders and then I had a couple of cookies. My tummy was NOT happy with me. I was bloated, gassy and in pain. I actually skipped dinner that night because my tummy was so upset. And I didn't go to the gym this week because I've been so tired from work and then hurting my back. So yeah. I doubt I'll lose any weight this week. Gotta get back on the horse. 

There's not really much else going on. It's just been work and napping, work and napping. I don't know if I mentioned it in a previous post, but a couple of weeks ago hubby's mom fell and broke her hip. She's been in the hospital the past couple of weeks and is set to be discharged tomorrow. I don't know how I feel about that. I think it would be better for her to go to a rehab facility for a a week or so to get her strength back but her insurance won't cover it. Fucking insurance companies. It's so frustrating. She has stairs at her place to get to her condo and I'm hoping she can maneuver them to get inside. If not, I don't know what we'll do. The whole situation sucks. But she's stubborn and a fighter so I'm sure she'll be alright, one way or another.