I decided I'm going to try and write at least once a week. This once a week will probably happen on Mondays as I'm always off on Monday. We'll see how it goes.
Today I'm feeling pretty hollow and empty, just this empty shell of who I should be. There's no substance to me. The only thing I can say I'm feeling for certain is anxiety. Why anxiety? Well, I see my psychiatrist in office on Wednesday and this is making me anxious. There's a lot to talk about with my recent depressive episode and the fact that I'm trying to space out my ECT sessions. And also that I plan on talking to him about putting me on metformin to help me lose weight (the weight I gained from being on all my psych meds). So I'm nervous. I'm anxious. Especially because my pdoc is pretty rigid in his plan of care. So yeah.
I worked yesterday and actually had a good day. I had good patients, it wasn't overly busy, I worked with good peeps . . . and my mood was pretty okay. It was nice. If only every day could be like that.
Wow. I'm really at a loss for words. It's weird, I was reading over posts on my old blog and I had no trouble writing. I was posting all the time. And a lot of it is really well written. But now, now I struggle to say anything. Everything seems so stupid and inconsequential. There's no point to it. Except historically writing has helped me. Which is why I'm trying to do it now. But I just can't seem to do it. Maybe that will change as the weeks go on. I don't know.
I think I'm done for today though.
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