My bipolar disorder has been being an asshole lately. A big one. After 80 or so days of stability my depression is creeping in, both subtly and not so subtly.
The past week and a half I've had no motivation to workout. Seems trivial, right? But with how gung ho I've been in the gym and on the spin bike the previous 3 weeks before that . . . well, it's noticeable.
Then there's the matter of sleep. I've been going to bed early every night because I just don't want to be awake anymore. And when I wake up, I don't want to get up. It takes everything in me to get out of bed. And when I do, all I want to do is go back to bed. I'm having a hard time falling and staying asleep as my mind is just racing. And the past week and a half there hasn't been a day I haven't wanted a nap (and as long as I wasn't at work I've been taking them).
And then how about actually feeling depressed. This past Friday (3 days ago) and yesterday I actually felt depressed. Yesterday it took everything I had not to completely lose my shit and break down (I partially lost my shit and cried a little but roped it in). Today I'm feeling down and I have no motivation for anything. I just want to curl up in a ball and not exist.
I don't want to feel this way. Why do I have to feel this way?
I'm trying my best to take things one day at a time and not catastrophize it. But that's hard to do . I'll keep trying though, because what else can I do?
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