My birthday is coming up. It's Saturday. I'll be 43. Craziness. I know I'm going out to dinner with my step mom, but other than that, I don't know. Probably not much of anything. Which is okay - I don't really need or want to do anything. Just eat and have a mojito or two.
I work the next two days and I don't want to. Like, I really don't want to. Mainly because we've been floating nurses this week to other floors. Which, let's be honest, I hate. We all do. I feel worthless on other units. I'm not supposed to enter Covid rooms (which over half the rooms are Covid patients), not supposed to pass meds, just supposed to be helping hands or a sitter. So I can do vitals, pass trays, make beds . . . or sit in a room with a patient and chart what they're doing every 15 minutes. Joy. It fucking sucks. I think I'm safe Friday because I'm nursery that day, but tomorrow I'm scheduled for mom/baby. So if we're not busy I could be floated. It just makes for a wretched day. I know I should have a more positive attitude about it - that would go a long way in helping - but it's just hard to. I'm already burnt out, and working on another unit just compounds that.
It also doesn't help that I'm in a piss poor mood today. Cranky, bitter, down, annoyed with everything . . . I don't think I'm very pleasant to be around today. I got stuff done - laundry, sewing, drawing, organized my studio quite a bit. I even took a short nap. But all of that hasn't helped my mood. I don't want to start a downward spiral because of my poor attitude. It truly can easily happen. I know part of it is thinking about work tomorrow. Part of it is my sewing machine snagging several times and poking myself with a needle. Part of it is because I woke up like this. And part of it is because for the last 3 weeks I've felt like I'm coming down with a cold. I don't ever get sick - I just have the ever-so-slightest feeling of malaise. A barely there headache. My neck is perpetually sore. I don't know what it is. Maybe I have the world's most mild case of Covid. Who knows. But it certainly puts a damper on my mood. Makes me want to nap. Not be productive. And annoys the hell out of me.
Man this blog post is whiney. I hate when I'm like this. I don't want to cook tonight either. I want Burger King. Junk. I don't care right now.
Anyway, happy birthday (early) to me.
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