I was supposed to work today, but was called off. So I'm at home. Wondering what the hell am I going to do with myself. It's only 9am and I feel lost. I have the whole day ahead of me. So many hours to fill. And I don't know what to do.
Kind of weird to think that I'll only be working one day this week. I was called off today, I'm marked off for Wednesday (Jer's cousin passed away, so we're going to her funeral Wednesday), so that leaves Friday. Just one day this week. Which will be a nice break. Except for the funeral part. I haven't been to a funeral in a loooooong time. I can't remember the last time I was at one. I bought a dress for it as I don't really have anything "funeral appropriate".
I had therapy last Thursday and it was okay. Just . . . okay. I vented about work, how I've been feeling, etc. It wasn't really a "let's come up with solutions" type of session. Just more of a "getting everything out" one. Which, let's be honest, I needed. It'll be at least 6 weeks before I see Mike again as he's having his back surgery today. I'm praying that everything goes smoothly for him and that he has a comfortable, uneventful recovery.
There's not much else going on. I'm very boring I guess. I still haven't been able to read. I still haven't done any artwork. I still have no motivation or inspiration. Which sucks. It really sucks. I want to be able to do things with my time off and it's like, I can't. I go down to my studio and I sit there, staring off into space. I don't know what to draw or paint and I haven't sewn anything in over 6 months. No desire. No ideas. I'm hoping this will change soon because I normally enjoy doing art. But not now. Now I don't even pick up a pencil.
I took Moya on walks last week, a long one yesterday, and I'll likely take her on one today. At least this gets me out of the house and doing something. Something active. Probably the gym this afternoon. So there - I've taken up like 2 hours of time. Go me. What else can I do . . . I'm going to try not to nap. It's easier to nap than to feel the nothingness. So I usually do it often. But I'm going to try not to today. I have laundry going, I can empty the dishwasher. That kills another 10 minutes or so. Ugh.
Oh well. I'm glad I'm not at work.
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