Welp, here we are again, hanging out on my blog. I'm in a 3 day stretch of being off from work and it's glorious. I worked Sunday and Monday, and I work Friday. And I don't want to go in on Friday. It's still a literal dumpster fire at work. An understaffed shit show. And I'm so tired and burnt out. Monday made me not want to do my job anymore. We had 8 deliveries before 1pm and it was getting unsafe. My coworker and I voiced our concerns, only to be shot down by management, saying we were not in the position to make that decision. Basically saying that our concerns didn't matter and they weren't going to even look into them. Wow, okay. Thanks for that. Thanks for making us feel valued.
I'm thinking more and more that I want to go back to school for my PMHNP (psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner). I've been researching schools and talking with coworkers who are getting their NP right now. Most of them are getting their family practice NP, so my trajectory will be a bit different, but at least I'm getting an idea. The prospect of going back to school is truly terrifying. I'm scared. It's going to be hard and different and costly. It's going to take time. It's going to take a lot of effort. And it's really, really scary. I haven't been in school for over 17 years. I haven't yet worked in psych but it's what I want my NP in. So that's scary too. I have no experience in psych. How much harder will that make my schooling? I have personal experience . . . but no working experience. Oy. I'm almost paralyzed with fear. I read a quote today that said, "if nothing changed over the next 10 years, would you be happy?" And it got me thinking, would I be happy? No, I don't think I would be. In my private life, yes, because my private life is good. But my work life? No. I've been doing the same thing for 15 years. The past 4 or so years have been trying. Have been difficult. And the burnout is real, y'all. I'm finding myself not enjoying my job. I'm more cynical and angry. I have less empathy and tolerance and patience. I don't like who I am when I'm at work. I don't feel valued or appreciated. Even by coworkers. I feel like I'm done. Like I need to move on, find something else. And that something else just happens to involve more education. But I'm scared.
I just finished an online psychiatric first aid course. Just a little something I figured I'd try, test the waters I guess you could say. And I did fine. It would be cool to take a psychology class or two to get a feel of what being back in school is like, but I'm not really finding anything online that I don't have to be enrolled in college to take. I think it would be helpful. I need to relearn APA format for writing papers. I haven't written a paper in FOREVER. Can I even write a paper?? My coworker says she has a paper to write about every other week. They're not long papers - 2-5 pages - but still. That's a lot of papers for someone who hasn't written anything in almost 20 years. So scary. But I can do hard things, right? Sure I can. Sure I can. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I'm leaning more and more on taking the leap. Going back to school. It'll just be hard. I'll still have to work full time, which sucks. But there's no way around that. I'll have to make it work. At least I don't have small children to take care of. Ayden takes care of himself (now if he would just start driving . . .).
Okay. That's all for today. I'm waiting for a call from Chamberlain University to discuss their PMHNP program. So scary.
No comments:
Post a Comment