Normal . . .

. . . is boring.

No really. Normal is boring. At least when you're used to the constant crisis of bipolar disorder, being normal/stable/in remission is very boring.

I'm at home this morning, sitting on my couch, wondering what to do with myself. I feel like I need to be constantly doing something, constantly active/entertained/whatever. I don't know how to act or what to say or what to do. This is all very weird, people.

Everyone tells me that this is okay. Normal is good and okay. Boring is good and okay. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the heightened awareness that comes with mania or the deep emotion that comes with depression. Or if I said that part of me doesn't thrive on the chaos. . .

Stability is better though. Better for everyone. I can do so much more stable. I don't lose friends when I'm stable. Maybe I can get back to full time work . . .

Stability is good. Normal is good. This is okay, guys. I'll get used to it again.































Who am I trying to convince? You? Or me?