Well, here I am, a week post-ECT, and I seem to have leveled out. Right back into my depression that I was in before I had ECT. I had my post-ECT high for about 2 days and then the irritability and depression came back, stronger than ever.
I'm sitting here in bed, in the middle of the day (it's 1:45pm right now), wondering how and why it got so bad and wondering what to do with myself. I have stuff I want to write about, truly, but I can't seem to get the thoughts out of my head. I feel sluggish and cloudy.
I'm leaving on Friday for Texas to go to my sister's house. Her baby shower is this weekend. I'm driving down there with my stepmom. I want to be there for my sister but I'm not looking forward to this trip. I just think it's going to be really hard because of my current state. Driving down with M I'm not worried about, it's really the actual baby shower. A big 'ol party full of people I don't know all talking and laughing and having a good time while I feel like death warmed over . . . I'm not looking forward to it. Hopefully there will be alcohol. Funny - I don't drink except for instances like this. Which thankfully don't happen often.
Anyway, I'm sure I'll be fine, and I get to see my sister and my stepmom, whom I both love dearly.
I really can't think straight. My mind is a jumbled mess. I can't hold on to a single thought for more than a few seconds before it's replaced with something else. I can't write right now. I just can't do it. Maybe I'll try again later.
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