Look at that. It's the day before Halloween. My favorite holiday. Normally I would be excited - getting my costume ready, putting up the last minute decorations for the trick-or-treaters . . . But this year I don't care. Why?
Depression.
I've been depressed again for the past month and it keeps getting worse. It keeps getting deeper and darker and more all encompassing. I feel like Hell warmed over. Honestly, probably not even that good.
I'm really struggling right now. I keep telling myself that I'm not as depressed as I think I am, as I feel I am. Really, I'm not that depressed. But then I'm driving home from work (early, because I couldn't handle being there), and I think the logical thing to do is to go home and take a boatload of pills so I can just end it all. And I'm so indifferent to this thought that it makes me realize that I am as depressed as I think I am. I mean, thinking about killing myself garnered the same emotional response as thinking about taking a crap! How fucked up is that??
Here's the thing: fighting depression is exhausting. It is straight up, fucking exhausting. And I have to fight it every day. Every. Single. Day. Cognitively I know I'll get through it. I always have in the past. I make it through. It's just that I never know how long a particular bout of depression will last. Will it be 3 weeks or 3 months? Who knows. And that's the hard part - even though I know I'll get through it, it doesn't feel like I will. It feels like it will last forever, no end in sight. And that just adds to the exhaustion. And then when it finally does pass, I know, in the back of my head, that it will be back, it's just a matter of time.
That's a problem for me. Knowing that I'll be battling my depression for the rest of my life. It gives me such a bleak outlook. And it makes me tired. So tired. I don't know how much longer I can keep up the fight. It would be so much easier to give in . . . give up . . .
I think about this all the time. Because I am so tired. I've told people before that one of the things that keeps me going is knowing that I can still end it at any point. Which is very morbid, I know, but it's the truth.
Luckily I have my hubby and my son who stand behind me and keep me going. If not for them . . . well . . . I'm sure you get the idea. I'm very thankful for them.
Now if I can just make it through this current bout of depression . . .
Contact Dr Gbojie if you want to get your Husband, Wife, Boyfriend and Girlfriend back now and regain your happiness and also for lottery winning spell
ReplyDeleteHi i am from USA I have just experience the wonders of Dr. gbojie love spell, that have been spread on the internet and worldwide, How he marvelously helped people all over the world to restored back their marriage life and get back lost lovers, and also help to win lottery. I contacted him after going through so many testimonies from different people how he help to bring back ex lover back, i told him about my husband that abandoned me about 8 months ago, and left home with all i had.. Dr GBOJIE only told me to smile and have a rest of mind he will handle all in just 24 hours, After the second day my husband called me, i was just so shocked, i pick the call and couldn't believe my ears, he was really begging me to forgive him and making promises on phone.. He came back home and also got me a new car just for him to proof his love for me. i was so happy and called Dr Gbojie and thanked him, he only told me to share the good news all over the world .. Well if you need an effective and real spell caster contact Dr gbojie Via email: GBOJIESPIRITUALTEMPLE@gmail.com or Call or WhatsApp: +2349066410185.or check out his website :http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me