Yesterday was Valentine's day. Jer and I never do anything for Valentine's day - I'm not sure we ever have (we've been together for 22 years). And, per our usual, we didn't do anything this year either. I worked yesterday and it was rather busy.
Lately, my mood has been very blah. I don't even really feel depressed, per se, but just empty and meh, and blah, and flat. No real emotion. I'm just existing. Going through the motions. No joy, no happiness, no contentment . . . but also no feeling really down or dark or "sad". I'm floating around in this grey area, unable to see color but not experiencing the dark. Maybe this is a good thing? Maybe it means I'm coming out of the depression and into the light? Maybe this is a necessary stepping stone on the path to getting better? I have no idea. All I know is that I don't like it. Being in a grey fog, unable to feel, is not my idea of fun. But I don't know what to do. Keep muddling along, hoping I eventually get better? See my psychiatrist for a potential med change? (I don't know what we'd do for a med change - I've been on 23 different meds). I have no idea.
For now, I guess I'll keep muddling along. I don't really have a choice - this isn't something you can just "snap out" of (although I wish I could).
. . . man this is a short post. I guess I don't feel like writing today.
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