Well, I think I'm doing a bit better than I was last week. I'm not as down, not feeling quite so crappy. I'm still blah, still empty, but don't feel as depressed. Which is a good thing. I did work my call shift last week and it sucked. A lot. It was super busy and stupid and then I had to go back Thursday and do it again. Oh well.
So anyway, I started a program called "I Kicked Sugar". It's an audio program - kind of like a podcast almost - with a workbook. It's got 10 modules, each module around 20-30 minutes long, with tasks to do at the end of each module. As the name implies, it helps you kick your sugar habit. I just finished module 5 today which involved a lot of journaling (which, most of the modules involve journaling). I've also watched 2 documentaries that the program recommended - "That Sugar Film" and "The Truth About Sugar". Both were very eye-opening and informative (though I enjoyed That Sugar Film the most).
If you haven't figured it out, I'm going to try and give up most sugar. I think it will help me lose weight, feel better physically and emotionally, and maybe help with the depression. Because I'll admit it - I'm addicted to sugar. I binge on it when no one's around or I think no one is paying attention (I'm worst at work when there's treats or candy or chocolate). But, I binge at home, too. To the point that I make myself physically sick. It's like I can't stop. And then I feel horrible after - physically and mentally. I use sugar to reward myself, to calm myself, to soothe myself, to comfort myself . . . it's bad. So, I'm on a quest to give it up. Not entirely - I'll still be eating fruit and the occasional treat - but refined sugar has got to go.
I think Jeremy thinks I'm a bit whack-a-doodle for doing this. When I told him about it he was less than supportive and was trying to poke holes in everything I was telling him. Which, honestly, made my mood crash. I'm going to need him to be supportive of me with this. But, regardless of what he thinks, I'm doing it. It's going to be hard, but I'm doing it.
Nothing much else is going on. I'm tired most of the time, I'm blah, I'm still just existing. It's better than being depressed, but it's still no fun. Work is always busy and I feel burnt out. I need a prolonged vacation - even if I don't do anything or go anywhere. Just some time off to be. Although escaping to the mountains would be nice, even if only for a day trip.
That's about it for now. At least I'm not as negative as I was last week.
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