Tuesday 8/31/21 Stuff 'n stuff

 Tomorrow is September, which is crazy. This summer has gone by so freaking fast. It's going to be my birthday soon!! Yay!

On the tooth front . . . ohmygosh I've been in so much pain y'all. Like, ridiculous amounts of pain. I've been taking motrin, tylenol, naproxen, and norco around the clock. Today was the first day (in a week) I haven't been near tears several times a day. It's this gnawing, throbbing, aching pain that just doesn't go away. My lord it's terrible. I'm now at the point where I get to "irrigate" the giant hole where my tooth was. It looks like a freaking cavern in my mouth. And I irrigate it after every time I eat something to make sure no food bits get left behind in there. Gross. And last night while I was irrigating the stitch came out. Which, they told me it would, but it was so nasty. This little spider looking thing falling out of my mouth. Ugh. No bueno. I really hope I never have to have another tooth pulled because this has sucked balls. Like, a lot.

Okay. Enough about that.

Soooooooo, I'm seriously thinking about trying to get a booth at a con. To sell my art and plushies. Colorado Springs Comic Con would be freaking amazing but I may need to start out smaller. Like a toy con or something. Which means I better get producing! Art and plushies! And I have to find a decently priced print shop so I can make prints of some of my Bipolar Chronicles stuff. How awesome would that be?? To have a booth and sell my stuff?? Hell yeah! (I just ordered some fabric, teehee!)

I go back to work this Friday. This past week has gone by way too quickly. Ten days off wasn't enough time. I want MOAR! Oh well. Back to the grind. But now, with the prospect of a con, maybe I'll have some drive and motivation to do stuff on my days off. Like draw and paint and sew. Hopefully. And hopefully my morale will be a bit better because I was pretty darn burnt out before this little break. 

Wednesday 8/25/21 My Tooth

 Well, I had my tooth yanked yesterday. The procedure itself wasn't that bad as I was under anesthesia. But the aftermath? Ugh. 

The dentist numbed me up in addition to the anesthesia, so when I woke up I felt pretty darn good, albeit a little sleepy. We went home and I slept for a couple hours, then decided that I should eat something. I removed the bloody gauze from my mouth and made myself some oatmeal and a protein shake. Which was a bad idea in hindsight. It made me nauseous. Now I'm nauseous and still groggy so I put more gauze in my mouth and went and laid back down. I slept for a couple more hours and when I woke up I was in an incredible amount of pain - the numbness had worn off and I could feel everything. My mouth was throbbing and aching and had stabbing pain, my head was throbbing and aching. I was a mess. I took motrin and naproxen but for 2 hours I was in pain. 

I went to bed at my normal time, despite sleeping all day, and I took a Norco before bed so I'd be sure to sleep. I drooled though. I drooled blood onto my pillow. So today I had to wash the sheets because I got bloody drool on them. Go me. But hey - clean sheets and jammies tonight! 

Today the pain hasn't been too bad. I took Motrin this morning and after lunch, along with a dose of Tylenol, and I'm doing pretty good. A little bit of throbbing, definitely sore and bruised, but a lot better than I was last night. 

What a great way to spend my "vacation" time. I don't go back to work until the 3rd. Another week and a couple days off to relax and do whatever. Probably nap. Definitely nap. And draw and sew. But most definitely nap. 

Friday 8/20/21 Yeah

 Wow. It's been almost a month since I last wrote. Crazy. I didn't think it had been this long. And the sad thing? Nothing much is going on. It's pretty much been the same thing, over and over. 

Work is still busy as fuck. I'm still burnt out. I'm still working my extra shifts and being asked to work more (I don't though). But I only have 3 more shifts until I have 10 days off. Ten glorious days in a row without work. I'm so looking forward to it. The thing that sucks though is that the first day of the ten off I'm having a molar pulled. I am NOT looking forward to that. It's the molar I had a root canal done on. When the dentist did the root canal, some of the sealant went through the root and into my jaw. So this isn't going to be an easy wiggle-wiggle-pull type of procedure. No, they'll probably have to shatter the tooth and pull out the pieces. My dentist told me to do it under anesthesia because of the pain. Joy. And told me that I would be in pain for several days after. Severe pain. Double joy. So the first few days of my time off will be spent recovering from this. Oh! And I get to have nothing but soft foods for two weeks. Triple joy.

Let's move on to something less horrible - today marks the end of the first week of high school for my son. I can't believe I have a high schooler!! And to think that next March he can get his learner's permit. He'll be driving! It's pretty cool though, watching him grow and change over the years . . . He's such a good kid. The best kid really. I'm so proud of him. 

I've had a hard time with motivation and inspiration lately. The only thing I'm motivated to do is sleep. Nap. Go to bed. It's awful. I hate that I feel this way. And with my artwork I have no inspiration. No drive to do or make anything. Every once in awhile I'll get a little spark. The tiniest little burst of inspiration, but always at the most inopportune time. And then - poof - it's gone. I want to sew cute things, but I don't know what. Or how. (I'm really over the whole zombie thing). And I want to draw and paint things . . . I just don't know what. I see other people's work and I'm jealous - I wish I could create something that others want to buy. But I'm stuck in a rut. A rut with no creativity. 

In other news, I awoke to a text from my bank yesterday stating that they noticed suspicious activity on my debit card. Checked the account and someone apparently hacked my Etsy account and went on a spending spree. Luckily Etsy caught it, cancelled the orders, and the money was refunded. So yesterday and this morning were spent trying to get my account back and protected. We cancelled my bank card so I had to get a new one. I've changed my password on Etsy 4 times now (as I keep getting shut out and prompted to create a new password). It's been a stressful mess. So I changed my passwords to everything. Ugh. What a pain in the ass. 

That's about it. There's not much else going on. Work and blah and exhaustion.  

Thursday 7/29/21 I got my tattoo!

 Holy cow y'all! July is almost over! This summer has flown by! Just, really flown by. It's hard to believe that my son will be starting high school on August 16th - that's not far away. It's crazy. But it's happening. 

In other news, yes, I'm still burnt out at work. It's been a little better, but I'm still burnt out. This week is Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (although I was asked if I'd work today too - I declined). This week has been ever so slightly slower, but still busy in the big scheme of things. Still looking forward to my time off in August. 

Also, today has been weird. I woke up feeling weak and lightheaded and stayed that way all morning. I was planning on getting on the spin bike and doing legs, but I couldn't. Just walking bills out to the mailbox made me short of breath and feeling like I was going to pass out. I don't know what was up. I've also had the trots today, all morning really. That seems to have subsided now. Thank goodness! I don't like feeling how I was. I thought maybe low blood sugar or low blood pressure, but I have no way to test those theories. I've eaten breakfast and lunch and am feeling a bit better now, but still like I have no energy. Which is annoying. I want to be able to workout. 

And, like the title says, I did get my tattoo last Friday! I love it! I went with a new artist this time around and couldn't be happier. It only took 2 hours and didn't hurt at all. 

This was taken two days after having it done (it's currently in the peeling stage). My little chickadee. This is on the top of my right forearm. Pretty darn cool, right? It's my own artwork, as are most of my tattoos. 

Tuesday 7/20/21 Been a Minute

 It's been a couple weeks since I last wrote. No real reason really, just nothing much to say I guess. 

I'm so burnt out at work. It's been so busy and I've been working my call shifts in addition to my regular shifts. I need a break. A real break. I'm taking ten days off the end of August (for getting my tooth pulled) and it can't come fast enough. I'm at the point where I practically dread going into work. I work the next two days and I wish I didn't. I'm so tired of work. I'm so burnt out. And I don't know what to do about it. I know everybody gets this way about their job from time to time . . . it's just that I've felt this way for the past several months with no end in sight. I'm crankier. I don't connect as much with my patients. And I'm losing patience. I'm just so tired. It's hard to find the joy in what I do right now. Maybe if it wasn't so damn busy all the time. Maybe if we weren't short staffed every single day. Maybe if I could just take a break. I don't know. But I'm sick of feeling this way. 

In my last post I believe I talked about joining Warrior Babe Blueprint - a nutrition and fitness program. I've watched quite a few of the modules now and I'm counting my macros. I'm working out consistently. And I lost four pounds this past week. It's pretty awesome. I'm on my way to a new, healthier, sustainable lifestyle. And I'm thankful for that. I've learned a lot through the modules and I'm now applying it to my life. I'm going to crush my weight loss goals!

This Friday I'm getting my next tattoo - a chickadee on a pine tree branch. It's weird, but I haven't gotten really excited about it. I think because I'm thinking that something is going to happen so that I can't get it. Which would suck. Because I really want this tattoo. I'm sure Friday morning I'll be excited. 

Also, the past couple of weeks I've been having more twangs of anxiety. They don't last long, but they're there. And it's annoying. I'm feeling anxious right now in fact. Which is super dumb because I'm just sitting on the couch typing this. Nothing else is going on. I mean, WTF brain?? What's up with this??

This post wouldn't be complete without me writing something about my grandpa. See, my grandpa has been deteriorating rapidly the past week or so. He has congestive heart failure and 3rd stage kidney failure. And, I guess, dementia. He has been acting erratically and was even sent to a psych hospital for suicidal and homicidal ideation. He punched a nurse there. They sent him back to the medical hospital because of his declining health. He remains there. My mom and her hubby are driving out to see him and help my grandma move into an assisted living facility. I don't know what's going to come of all of this. My grandpa is in bad shape and it would probably be best for him to pass. I hate to say that, but it's true. I know this has added stress to my life, even though I'm not particularly close to him. He's still family and this is rough. 

So I'm burnt out, with added family stress and anxiety resurfacing. No wonder I'm feeling like crap. I'm trying to prioritize self care, with naps and working out high up there on the list. 

I guess that's it for today.

Tuesday 7/6/21 Well, I did something . . .

 So yeah. As the title states, I did something. Something I think I'm going to be proud of. Something that I think is going to help me immensely. Something . . . that my hubby doesn't know about yet. Oops. So this thing I did, what is it? Well, I joined a  training program called Warrior Babe Blueprint. It is a program that will teach me how to eat appropriately for my body type to lose weight, gain muscle, and then maintain what I achieve. It's a program that is set up much like my Mental and Emotional Mastery program was set up (which, I might add, I excelled at). It's a series of learning modules that I go through at my own pace. I'll learn about macros and what to eat when, how to measure my food accurately (instead of just eyeballing it like I do now). I'll learn which cardio and strength training exercises are best suited to my body type and my goals. I'll learn how to take control of my body and make it into what I want. It will help me eat better, sleep better, be better. I'll have more energy and hopefully won't need my customary afternoon nap (pretty much every day I'm off I nap - not because I want to, but because I don't feel like I can't function without one). I am super excited to start this program!! I signed up today. The only problem is the cost - it's not cheap. But I'm looking at this as a major investment in myself. I invested in myself last year when I did Mental and Emotional Mastery, I'm investing in myself this year by doing this. I'm worth it. And the program comes with tons of support from nutrition and fitness coaches every step of the way. For life. I can use this program and the support of coaches for life. That's huge. This is a lifestyle change. A lifestyle change for the better. I'm going to get healthy and strong. I'm going to excel. I am going to do this!!

Anyway, there isn't much of anything else going on. Work and sleep and sleep and work. I worked the 4th of July, which I figured would be a nice, chill day. It wasn't. I did 7 deliveries. It was busy. One, for a Sunday, but then especially for a holiday Sunday! I definitely earned my time and a half. I worked yesterday too and it was just as dumb. And the vibe was off yesterday. It just seemed like a weird day. But I'm off today and the next 2 days, so that's nice (I plan on starting my new program tomorrow - power through the learning!). 

That's all for today. Keep it pretty short.

Wednesday 6/30/21 Dentist Fun

 Does anyone really like going to the dentist? I certainly don't. Even for cleanings. But I went to the dentist on Monday for tooth pain. My lower left molar, the one that's furthest back. Now, ten months ago this tooth cracked and I had a root canal done with a crown put on. Root canals are not pleasant. No one wants a root canal. And I have TMJ pretty bad so keeping my mouth wide open for an hour and a half was torture (even though they used a bite block). So I had this done and have had pain in that tooth since. It's not constant and some days are worse than others. Last week I had excruciating pain and decided it was high time I went back to the dentist (I saw the dentist and endodontist after the root canal for pain and was told to "just wait longer"). Well, my tooth hasn't healed. And there's shadowing in my jaw bone (apparently that's bad). I was given two choices: have them drill into the side of my jaw, scrape everything out, and fill it with more sealant (which I was told probably won't heal since I didn't heal from the root canal), or have my tooth pulled. I don't like either choice. At all. But I opted to go for having my tooth pulled. Of course, my dentist can't do it. No, I have to go to an oral surgeon to have it pulled. Under anesthesia. Because the extraction is "sure to be brutal because of how much sealant I have in that tooth". Um, what? My dentist further told me that I would need 3-5 days off after having the tooth pulled because I would be in "so much pain I won't be able to work". Oh joy. This just keeps getting better and better. And I can only have soft foods for at least two weeks after. To say I'm not looking forward to this is an understatement. But I scheduled it, for August 24th. That way I can work that Sunday and Monday (22nd and 23rd) and use a day of vacation so I have a full week off after having it done. I'm not one for mouth pain. I'm kind of a wuss in that department. Yeah I know I've had pain the last 10 months, but it's been more of a dull companion than anything else. When it got bad I went in. So I get to have a tooth pulled. Which, even though you won't be able to see it (since it's a molar), makes me feel, I don't know, weird. I'll get over it, I'm sure. 

Tomorrow is July, which is crazy! Time is flying by! I'm glad though because July 23rd I get my new tattoo. Something to look forward to. Because I don't think we're really going to do anything this summer. No big vacation or anything. Even getting away for a night or two proves hard to do when you have no one to watch your dog. It's okay though. We can take a couple of day trips. That's better than nothing. 

That's about it. There's nothing much else going on. Work and naps. No motivation. Same old, same old.