It's kind of early. At least for me. It's 9am and I've already had my protein shake, got on the spin bike, showered etc, and now I'm sitting here sipping my coffee. Normally I'd just be on the spin bike right now and would still need to shower etc. But I was up early because a friend is supposed to be stopping by as well as my mom this morning. So I wanted to be ready. And ready I am. I guess.
Yesterday was a rough day for me. I worked, on the floor, and my assignment was busy. I had a patient with blood pressure issues, a patient who's baby had blood sugar issues, and a patient who was a very needy bitch (in her defense she has borderline personality disorder). And shit hit the fan with all three of them right after report. It was a very busy day for me. And my mood was trash. I was very down, flat, withdrawn. I tried to connect with my patients and coworkers but everything was fake and forced. It was a long day. My saving grace was that I got to leave early - at 5:30 instead of 7. I'll take it. I just felt pretty rotten yesterday. And then knowing I work tomorrow, am on call all day on Thursday, and then work Saturday and Sunday (yep, I work Christmas day), is enough to make me shrivel up.
I haven't been creative since my two paintings last week. And I don't feel like being creative. I don't feel like doing anything. Now that I have "extra" time today, I don't know what to do with myself. I'll probably nap today cause I don't know what else to do. That, and I slept like crap again last night. I've slept like crap the past few nights, which I'm sure doesn't help my mood.
I still have no appetite. I'm still primarily having protein shakes for breakfast and lunch. And then kind of forcing myself to eat dinner. I haven't had sweets in a while. Yesterday at work there were all kinds of chocolates - truffles, chocolate covered pretzels (which I love), caramels . . . so much junk. None of it looked appetizing. I didn't touch a thing. I'm averaging a 600-700 calorie deficit every day. Sometimes more. I just don't want to eat.
Anyway, that's all I've got right now.
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