Well hello again. It's December. Which is pretty crazy. What's even more crazy is that we've had no snow here in Colorado Springs yet. I mean, we've had some flurries, but no real snow. Which is just weird. I don't mind not scraping off my truck every morning, but damn! We could use the moisture!
Anyway, I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and we are indeed going up on my Wellbutrin dose. From 150mg to 300mg. I'm hoping this helps as I've been doing everything else in my power to fight this stupid depression and it's just not enough. I was hoping it was the new supplement I was trying but after being off of it for a week I feel no difference. I'm going to stay off of it for now though, just in case.
Last night I was supposed to go to bible study. I did not, however, go. My mood was pretty crappy and putting on a mask for everyone didn't sound like a whole lotta fun. I messaged L, the gal who puts it on, and told her the truth as to why I wasn't going. I don't know her too well, so opening up about being bipolar and depressed was a little nerve wracking. I was met with empathy and prayers though. I still feel awful about not going, like I'm flaking out or something. Like I'm not reliable. Which, honestly, right now I'm not.
I haven't done anything creative in a month. I have no motivation or inspiration. Mainly motivation - I can do art even when I'm not inspired. But no drawing, painting, or sewing. It's pretty sad. I've always loved spending time in my office and now I just don't want to. Which really sucks because art is such a good outlet for me. I go down there and just sit and stare off into space. I look at my unfinished projects and feel overwhelmed. I don't feel like I'm at a point where I can do anything. And it sucks. I want to create and I can't right now.
In other news, I've decided to let my hair grow out a little. Not a lot - I don't want long hair - but a little. Right now I have kind of a shaggy pixie cut and I'm thinking a short, messy bob. It's going to take a while to grow out. It might take a year or more to get it where I want it. This is very daunting. I've grown out pixie cuts before and there's all these awkward stages in between. But I'm determined to grow it a bit and not cut it again because it's awkward and annoying. We'll see how this goes.
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