So my grandpa died this past Saturday and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. That's a weird statement, isn't it? I don't know how I feel about it? But it's true. I'm kind of just numb. And, if I'm honest, I've been trying not to think about it. I've been ignoring it. Which may also be weird. I don't know.
My grandpa was a cantankerous old fart and a bit of a jerk at times. Like, a big jerk. He was controlling over my grandma and mom, the first to point out flaws (whether they were real or imagined), and often put people down on the regular. He was, however, a generous man, loved me and his great grandson (my son), was always proud of me and pushed me to do my best. Even though he could seem cold on the exterior, he loved deeply.
I haven't cried. I don't know if I will. Which, in my current mental and emotional state, is a bit strange. Part of me is relieved at his passing - he was very ill and had no quality of life. Part of me is sad, as I know I will miss him. And part of me is almost indifferent (maybe this is the part of me that saw how he often treated people, I don't know). Or maybe I'm indifferent because it doesn't seem real yet. Like if I call he's still going to answer the phone.
There probably won't be a funeral - he donated his body to science. I don't know if my grandma wants to have a service of any kind. So as of now there's no real closure. He's just . . . gone. My grandma really needs to go into assisted living, but she doesn't want to. She says she loves her house and wants to die there. She's 94 and in pretty good health so she may have several years left. But she doesn't know how to do things herself - my grandpa took care of everything. Assisted living would be the safest, most practical approach. We'll see I guess. Ultimately it's her choice.
I was supposed to be on call today, but I called work last night and had them take me off. I don't quite feel up to being around people and functioning. I was supposed to go to a birthday party Saturday night, but I didn't go for the same reason I'm no longer on call today. I work Wednesday, Friday and Saturday this week, and I'll be there, hopefully in better spirits. I just couldn't risk being there today.
So anyway, that's my news today. Thursday is Thanksgiving which is just crazy. Time is going by so quickly. We'll be going to hubby's aunt's house in Denver to celebrate. I hope you all have a good holiday.
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